What I never told you (ReaderxDazai)

JUU ROKU

The world is just too cruel

For humans to experience love

People are being used as tools

And our efforts are never enough

Your POV

Leaving the Armed Detective Agency has been harder than I thought.

I can't stop thinking about him.

About how happy he looked there.

About his safety. About him.

Dazai is the only recurrent thought popping up inside my brain.

I want to see him, the same way I understood he wanted to see me, too.

But, I can't do that yet. And I can't ask him for advice. I realized the moment I saw him lying in that bed. I had already been selfish enough. Staying longer in there put both of us in danger. And, watching how they reacted in front of him, it was obvious they didn't know he was Mafia in the past.

Staying there would only trigger dangerous and revealing questions that might cause him even more pain and suffering.

"I need to fix the Port Mafia first, without involving him..." I tell myself as I stroll down the streets surrounded by the silence that the blizzard brought to the city. "Mori is the main issue. He'll kill him if he finds out, and kill me for being a traitor, and that will mean he'll be able to keep using Chuuya as a tool..." It is exasperating and overwhelming. Too many things to handle at a time and, to add insult to injury, the message I received doesn't help me think positive.

I bite my lip in frustration and, after taking a couple deep breaths, I start walking towards an old abandoned building located next to Yokohama's Park. It doesn't take me long to get there this time, but when I finally have it in front of me, I feel exhausted, as though I had been walking for a long, long time.

Once there, I access it by opening a window that leads to the basement, finding myself inside a small room with a metallic door in front of me. In there, I get hold of a key and, after several seconds, the door opens a bit, allowing me to step inside.

It's dark and the switch is on the other side of the room, so I really have no other choice but to walk there. However, before I can reach it, the lights turn on and several of 'them' jump on top of me, causing me to fall onto the ground.

"We got you, Kerarutto-san!!!" a boy's voice cheerfully announces as I see him smiling in victory. Next to him, three more children are on top of me, giggling and laughing as they see me pinned to the ground. Another female is leaning on the wall, scanning the scene. However, the smallest one notices my bandaged arm, and rapidly scolds the rest.

"Hey, get off her. Can't you see she is hurt!?" the little girl scolds them as they rapidly apologize to me, gulping.

"Guys...." I say with a menacing aura, causing the four children to shiver in fear for a couple seconds. "I missed you so much!!" I tell them as I wrap both my arms around them, hugging them tight to they start whining about my raw strength.

"Can't... breathe..." one of them says as I push myself away, looking at all of them.

They are my sweet little secret. They had escaped an orphanage together and, without nowhere to go, I found them one day during a mission near the old harbor, starving and frozen. I then remembered my childhood and how much I needed to have somebody to provide me protection, and, without anyone else knowing, I took care of them.

"Tell me, guys, where is Shiro?" I told them, recalling the reason I visited sooner than usual and despite the snow.

"I'm here, you old hag. You needn't have to come." He scoffed, appearing from the corner of a door that led to the bedrooms. His face was barely visible, covered with a hood, and he had both his hands stuffed inside the trousers' pockets.