What I never told you (ReaderxDazai)

JUU KYU

Take me away to the land of the lost ones

Take me with you to the gangsters' paradise

If that's the way how life re-runs

And starts anew, I'll pay the price

Your POV

After Chuuya leaves, I decide to go straight to my apartment to clear my mind and process everything with a bit of peace and calm, and to start my investigation from there. I walk through the streets, a bit puzzled and disoriented and, hadn't it been for my sharp reflexes, I would have been run down by a black car. I sigh and look down, only to see my hands are trembling. No. Every inch of my being is shaking.

I am scared. I know I am. But of what? Of a confession? Of hurting him by not saying 'I love you' back? Of not seeing him again now that Mori has sent him away? Of this damn person that has set his or her eyes on me? Of the threats of that man and his superiors?

Maybe none. Maybe all.

No. There is another reason.

I was called cursed vessel. I was told that, the moment I broke, Yokohama would be destroyed. That a certain item would be found. And that they knew about Dazai. That they'd kill him and Chuuya.

Yes, that was it. Right when I thought I had nothing left, I found out the person I cared about the most was still alive. And now I've realized that, even when Dazai wasn't there for me, Chuuya was willing to be by my side.

I was wrong. I wasn't totally alone. I have simply been too blind to realize that I still had something left in my life. Something left to lose. Something I don't want to lose.

On the spur of the moment, and, being controlled by my own emotions, I hit a brick wall next to me, cracking it as my knuckles get stained in red. I take a deep breath and, slowly regaining my composure, I finish the route towards my apartment. I get hold of the keys and, with a bit of nostalgia, I open the apartment's door.

"I'm home..." I say, closing the door and leaving the keys on a shelve at the entrance, taking my shoes off and walking towards my bedroom. Everything seems normal, until I hear coughing coming from the living room. Instinctively, I pull out a knife from my sleeve, rapidly rushing there, ready to attack. In a blink of an eye, I find myself pressing the blade against somebody's neck, holding his hands on his back. The room is too dark to see his features, but I'm sure he is a male.

One that makes me drop the weapon the moment he opens his mouth.

"Kera-chan, could you please pull this away? It's not the warm welcome I was expecting." Dazai jokes as he moves my arm and reaches the switch with one of his hands. When he does, we stare at each other for several seconds, probably wondering how we ended up in that situation.

"Wha...What are you-?" I begin asking before he interrupts me by handing me a phone. My cell phone.

"You left it back at the Agency. I really freaked out when I heard your ringtone and saw that Chuuya was calling you... I wanted to prank him, but in the end, I remembered that you are the only one who knows I'm alive, so..." he explains, sitting on the couch and suiting himself as if we had always been roommates. "And well, since I know where you have your spare key and everything... I decided to return it to you. Hope you don't mind. It's taken me some time since Yosano didn't want me to leave the infirmary yet." With that, he smirks evilly, adding. "That's why I've run away once I've had the chance."

I sit next to him and look him in the eyes, concerned. This feels awfully right and wrong at the same time. I've been missing his company, his voice, his sight for four damn years. And now somebody aside from me knows he is alive. And wants to harm him because of me. Guess I just can't hide my own emotions from him...