What I never told you (ReaderxDazai)

NI JUU SAN

And when the dark outweighs the light

And we're both trapped in this endless fight

Our hearts will beat synchronized

Until the very last moment of our lives.

Your POV

The night comes soon enough, but still, I don't have a single clue regarding the 'book', only an ancient legend that talks about the creation of the city. Nothing else.

I furrow my eyebrows and check the time, stifling a yawn, when I notice that, after hours of research, Dazai has fallen asleep next to me, his head on the table as he calmly breathes. I look at him and, careful not to wake him up, I lift him and place him inside my bed, covering him with a blanket.

Memories come flooding back. How many times had we been working together? How many missions did we share in the past? How many smiles, tears, wounds... belonged to us? I lost track of them a long time ago.

But now it was different. Him and I had lost too much on the way. We were the same, yet we were strangers. Maybe that's why I didn't want to let go. To get to know him once more. To tell him how I truly felt for the first time in my life.

I bite my lip, aware that I'm overthinking, but at this point, it's the only thing I can do. Maybe because I've finally discovered who I am. Maybe because, after four years, he is back to my life, even if it's temporary.

In less than two hours, I'll be going to that meeting.

And I might not return this time.

"Kera..." Out of the blue, Dazai speaks between dreams, making me wonder what's going on inside his head. "Kera, I miss... I miss you..."

"Dazai..." When I hear those words, my chest begins aching uncontrollably. I... I no longer know what to do, how to act. I'm losing myself, my opportunities, my will to understand this crazy reality. But that's why, as he sleeps, I approach my face to his, placing my lips on his, and remaining like that one second, two and three. "Dazai, I never told you, but I love you. I love you, no matter what happens. That's why I'll say it while I have the chance." With that, I stand up and walk away, closing the door of my bedroom and leaving him inside. With care, I lean on the door, pressing my head against it, and speak once more, having a feeling of uneasiness that might become true. "Goodbye Dazai, please forgive me for being the one who leaves this time..."

I grab a dark coat, my cell phone and a gun and, without making any noise, I step out of the apartment, ready to face that part of my life.

On the way, I decide to make a brief call. One that might be the only wise move of the night. I wait for somebody to pick it up, and I'm about to desist when the voice of a male speaks on the other side.

"Ranpo-san said you'd be calling." His statement is done with serenity in his words, calmness in his tone.

"Are you the President of the Armed Detective Agency, Fukuzawa Yukichi?"

"Indeed. And you are Sera Kerarutto."

"I am." I wait a second to get some fresh air, and look towards my apartment. "And I need to ask a favor. Dazai is at my place, sleeping. I... I have a meeting that will decide our fates, but those people might try to hurt Dazai."

"You want us to protect him?"

"Yes." I give him the address and sigh, hoping they can truly save him from the darkness. "In the apartment there are also the files related to what's happening. I believe you deserve to know. And please, I beg you. Protect him. I believe I won't be able to do it myself after tonight."