What I never told you (ReaderxDazai)

SAN JUU YON

Cannot be

The partner that you need

Let me leave

Because I know you will be happier

Without me

Dazai's POV

"Dazai, where the heck do you think you are going this time!?" Kunikida had always been a pain in the neck when it comes to paperwork and missions, but the side of him he had been showing lately bugged me even more than his usual annoyed tone. After catching me red-handed putting on my coat, he slammed his fist against my head and dragged me back to the infirmary. "Yosano told you to stay here for at least another week!!!"

"But Kunikiiiida, I have a meeting to attend!! I already missed the last two ones!!!" My playful and childish statement drove him nuts, causing him to walk next to the hospital bed in which I had been resting since the beginning of the month.

"You don't have acquaintances outside the Agency!! Who would you even be... meeting??" The way he stopped talking meant he found out who I wanted to see. "Seriously?? Her?? Of all people??" He sat next to me and sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose and proceeding to massage his forehead. "Dazai, you already know what the President thinks about her and... well, the incidents related to her person."

"Kunikida, you don't understand. She would never do anything to put me in danger." I whispered, staring at the window and watching the city's skies grow dark. It was painful, especially when it was highly probable that she wouldn't turn up to our meetings.

I didn't understand her at all, but when it came to her thoughts of me, I perfectly knew how she felt.

She was scared to hurt me. To break me. To drag me down with her. She didn't care if I was the one destroying her, but she wouldn't forgive herself if she happened to harm me in any way.

She believed her love would never be enough for me. But, deep inside, it was the only thing, the only tiny reason for me to keep holding onto life.

And I hadn't told her.

What I never told her was what she needed to hear the most. And I regretted not having realized so sooner. That I found my reason to be in her. In her eyes, in her smile, in her voice. In all the little but unforgettable memories we shared throughout the years, back in the Mafia and once we were out of it. Because, after all, what I never told her during the dark old days was revealed once I got away from Mori's reach and met her at the Lupin once again.

But back at the Agency I prayed it wasn't too late for me to remind her of all she gave to me.

"You don't know half of our story Kunikida." I reassured my partner, making him tsk. "But we've been through so many things that we cannot stay away from each other anymore. I need to see her. And I'm certain she will need to see me, too."

"You are a troublesome blockhead." He scolded me, standing up and inspecting me. "Are you being serious about this?? If you're in such bad shape and you get attacked again, you might die."

I smirked at the thought as my palm travelled to the stitches of the wound on my stomach. A bare caress from my fingertips was more than enough to make me flinch, but that was the same pain that bonded me with her. All the pain I felt was the same pain she had once felt. The pain she still felt. Alone. Because she didn't want to share that burden.

"I have never been more decided about anything in my whole life. It's now or never, Kunikida."

"Tsk. Fine. But you'd better be back tomorrow or I swear I am handcuffing you to the bed next time you are injured." His tone was quite funny bearing in mind the fact he was going to great lengths to hide how worried he was about this. Not like I can blame him since he has a partner with a charisma like mine. But at that moment, I truly thanked him from the bottom of my heart.