Rough Path to Memory Square - Doctor Strange x Reader (Earth 838)

12. Everybody Hurts

"So," Stephen awkwardly coughs, feeling a bit intimidated by your previous statement, "chaos magic?"

"Yeah." you say, trying to shift your focus on anything else, so that it would hurt less.
Lost in your head, you stumble on one of the thousand big stones and bricks scattered on the ground. Strange is quick to catch you, pulling you and his sides together, hugging your right shoulder firmly.

"You're okay?" he asks, panic rising instantly. He can't lose another person in God knows where.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm good." you reassure him, but he doesn't let you walk alone. Warmth radiates from him, making you feel better, your bleeding side pushed close to his, you feel safe in his arms.
He's silent for a moment, but you know that he wants to ask about the chaos magic again.
Before you open your mouth, ready to confess, Stephen beats you with another question.

"How do you know that an incursion happened here?" his eyes look around the ghost town, that once probably was New York.

"My Stephen showed me. After he caused one. He dreamwalked into that universe and watched it slowly disappear into nothingness. He blamed himself, but as the incursion started, there was no way to stop it. Likewise, he could just watch." you sigh heavily. Stephen hugs you more firmly, trying to comfort you with actions, because words will fail now.

"How did he show you that?"

"He told me, Reed and Charles. Then they did some high-tech shit and were able to see what Stephen saw when he dreamwalked there. Truly disturbing sight. I stopped looking at those images when the incursion was still in its early stage. This one" you wave your hand, "this one got really far. I think its days are numbered."

"Oh." was all he said. The Sanctum was still nowhere in sight, and he began to worry.

"About the chaos magic." you say, turning away from Strange, unable to look him into the eyes. "I studied the Darkhold. At first, I was cautious about it, when Stephen began using it. He used to come back to his room, sometimes angry, when the spell failed, sometimes happy, when it was successful. During those times when he was happy, he used to tell me about how wonderful the Darkhold was, how smart and well-thought spells were, how he could use them to make our world even better place, a place without any dangers and threats. Like every human being, I was curious. Curious, but still cautious. When Stephen left for two or more days, I'd go to that little chamber where he kept the book and just read it. Some spells were too easy to do, actually, I was surprised, tried a few, it worked. All too well. Some were incredibly difficult, like the dreamwalking one." you take a deep breath, feeling how Strange's hand is squeezing your shoulder even more firmly. "Before you ask, no, I didn't attempt it. Couldn't risk disturbing something big with my foolishness. I read about the infinite number of universes, and it made me wonder if I actually exist in others. Then Stephen returned. I confessed about reading the book, he said nothing and went straight to it. Then returned late at night, and told me that he's not angry or disappointed, and he actually wanted me to attempt more difficult spells with him. Something in my mind screamed to me that I shouldn't do it, and I refused. He was... Somewhat sad as I announced the news, but didn't push me further. Only asked me to be in the same room as he dreamwalked. Then we learned about Thanos, and he dedicated his time to finding a solution in the multiverse through dreamwalking. I never stopped him. I knew it was bad, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. "

Stephen stayed silent, patiently listening to your story.

"After his death, I was devastated. Something was pulling me to the Darkhold, because his stupid ass didn't think of destroying the book on Titan." you say through your teeth, anger taking place in your heart. You can never forgive him for leaving you alone and choosing death as the way to free from the Darkhold.
"But one thing kept me sane all these years. I got through, only attempting a couple of more advanced spells from the book, that's why I couldn't even hold off Scarlet Witch for a longer time."

"Hey, it's not your fault, we couldn't beat her without the book of Vishanti anyway." he says, feeling your guilt. "So, uh, what was that thing keeping you sane?"

"My baby." you finally look at him, he's shocked.

"You have a kid?" he stops, and you free from his grasp, his hand now resting on your other shoulder.

"I could've had. But apparently I suffered a miscarriage on Titan, when Thanos hurt me."

Stephen's eyes are full of tears, threatening to fall down any moment.

"Reed checked me after we returned to Earth, but told me only after the funeral. He did scans and other stuff as my wounds were quite deep, and said that I was pregnant. And the baby died together with his father."

Finally, the tear in his eye slips away, quickly running down his cheek, your own tears wetting your robes again. "Oh, y/n" he pulls you to his chest, hugging you tightly again, not able to say anything else. He places a kiss on your head, so soft that you don't even feel it.
Your one hand on his back, the other - between both of your stomachs. Today feels as painful as all the days after the funeral. Universe really finds ways to break your spirit again and again.

You feel as if an eternity passed, standing here, in Stephen Strange's embrace, listening to his heart beating, knowing that he's here, he's alive and breathing, not lying in a casket six feet underground. You somehow manage to control your breathing before making yourself a pity's case again, and wiping your nose with the back of your hand, you create some distance between the two of you.

"We don't have much time. Wanda can take America's powers anytime." you get back to reality, although this one looks exactly how you feel - empty and destroyed.

"Yeah." Stephen rasps, voice heavy from silent crying. Of course, he was crying. He could've been a father, a dad, an example for a child in another universe. But life has a funny tendency of never letting him be happy.

The walk to Sanctum is silent, sadness hanging over your heads. He wanted to say something, you knew that from the way he was unconsciously moving his fingers. Your Stephen used to do the same. But you just couldn't bring yourself to do it.

You see finally see the Sanctum. Standing there all alone in this vast place, not surrounded by old buildings like it used to be. The roof is weirdly disappearing in a smoke-like way, as if someone from above was trying to suck it in. Literally. You reach the building, not really expecting to find anyone there living, and standing apparently on what were supposed to be stairs to the main entrance - now it was just a weird pile of cement blocks.

"Stay." Stephen gently grabs your wrist.

"No fucking way, I've come this way, I'm not leaving you now. Also, I know the Sanctum just as good as you, and can quickly find a spot to hide." you whisper, afraid that someone might be listening.

"Don't you think that whatever version of me or not me," recalling how surprised he was when Mordo stepped out of the Sanctum, Strange tells, "is living here, I'm sure they are not expecting guests. Especially the ones who look exactly like them."

"Do not make me kick your ass, cuz I can do it right here, right now. I'm going." your word is the last, and Strange just dramatically waves his hands, before helping you get to the doors.

You don't get a chance to knock - the door opens on itself, and you see what's left of the grand entrance - just stairs, stairs that once led to your lover's bed and embrace, now led to nowhere, or right into the lion's lair.

You take a deep breath and put your foot on the first step, waiting for Strange. He stops as well, stretching out his hand to you. You look at him, at his hand, and then nod, taking it and squeezing in your palm. He needs this. You need this. To face whatever threats await you. To save America Chavez.