the doctor will never forget rose. not really. and though he may not speak of her, or let himself be as sad as he once was, he remembers her. even hundreds and thousands and millions and billions of years later.
the doctor will move on, not because...
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he was in a cell. there was nothing he could do except stare out the window and watch time disintegrate.
he had all the time in the world to think.
and up in that room he sure did think about a lot of things.
one of the things that he couldn't get his eyes off of was a sign. it was a small white sign with black letters.
it probably didn't stick out to most people. but it did to him.
'war of the roses enters second year.' a cruel reminder. that one little word.
rose.
all he did say in and day out was sit there, locked up in the tower, and all he could do was think.
rose.
her name stared him in the face and bit him. it was cruel.
all of history happening at once. everything he ever did, every adventure he and rose ever had on earth, and all of it was happening right outside his window.
she was there. rose tyler, his rose tyler was there, in his universe, outside his window.
and he couldn't go see her.
how could he ever bring himself to face her?
even if he wanted to, he was all locked up.
and that sign stared him in the face, reminding him that no matter what he did, even when all of history was happening at once right outside his window, he'd never see her again.
he could never see rose tyler again. - "attractive i assume?" winston churchill asked. the doctor smirked.
there was only one way to describe river song.
"hell in high heels." churchill neglected to notice how the doctor was very much avoiding the question.
amy had asked him that once. she had asked him if he favored young, hot women.
truth be told the doctor had no idea.
he never really noticed how they looked, not anymore.
because it never mattered how attractive or unattractive his companions were, they'd never be rose.
and to him, that was the only thing in the world that mattered.
rose. - "liz the first is still waiting on a glade to elope with me, i could help rose tyler with her homework." he said it before he could even realize it.
as soon as he said it, he wanted to stop. he wanted to let himself cry. here he was running away from his death, when the truth was, he had died a long time ago.
a huge part of him had died when he first left rose tyler on that beach.
and an even bigger part of him died when he left her there that second time.
"i could go to all jacks stag parties in one night." he refused to acknowledge that he said it, especially not to dorium.
but it didn't occur to him that maybe dorium wouldn't have even realized the significance.
she was always the first person that came to his mind, he just didn't usually mention her out loud, especially not to anyone who wouldn't know her.
he missed her dearly, every single day.
the doctor was always thinking about her, and sometimes that just started to bubble up until he couldn't hold it anymore.
so when the doctor couldn't stop himself from saying her name, he didn't even try to fight it.
instead, he pretended it would never bother him and moved on. because that's what the doctor did best.
pretend. - while river gave him her speech, one that she had obviously been thinking about for a while now, the doctor wilted more and more.
she went all this way to prove that he was loved. to prove that people and aliens loved him alike.
"i can't let you die without knowing that you are loved! by so many, and so much! and by no one more than me." that was her ending line. she had pain written all over her face.
who wouldn't right before they had to kill the love of their life?
but that was the problem. while he may have been the love of hers, she would never be the love of his.
he stood there, listening to her tell him that no one loved him more than she did, but all he could think about rose.
"i love you."
"quite right too."
he wanted to say it back. so badly.
but he never could.
he never said it back. he couldn't say it to rose, so how could he expect himself to say it back to river?
river would never be rose. - as he stared into the eyes of river song, the doctor was breaking inside once again.
he knew that he'd never be able to replace rose, that she was the one his hearts, all of his hearts, belonged too.
and as he married river song, his wife, the only thing he could think of was how much this was reinforcing his love for rose.
river deserved better, he knew that.
she deserved better than a man who would always be thinking about another woman.
but river wasn't rose, and because of that, the doctor couldn't give her his love.
not the way he had given it to rose.
it wasn't fair to river, but he couldn't do anything about it.
because he would always love rose.
as long as he was thinking of her, there would never be anyone else.
and as the doctor leaned in to kiss river song, his now wife, he only thought of her.
he was always thinking of her, always thinking of rose tyler.
