the doctor will never forget rose. not really. and though he may not speak of her, or let himself be as sad as he once was, he remembers her. even hundreds and thousands and millions and billions of years later.
the doctor will move on, not because...
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the doctor smiled at the baby he was looking at. children were a soft spot of his, and this baby was special to him.
craig and sophie's daughter.
"what did you call him will i blush?" he was making a joke, he knew that, of course, craig and sophie didn't name their baby the doctor.
that would be silly. he knew that.
"no we didn't call him the doctor!" craig seemed offended by the very idea.
the doctors face changed to one of defeat and longing. it was a quick flash, passerby's wouldn't have noticed it.
"i didn't think you would." he remembered one of the last times he saw her.
"i was pregnant do you remember?" jackie asked. "had a baby boy."
"oh brilliant. what'd you call him?" the metacrisis doctor was trying to make polite communication.
"doctor."
"did you really?" he smiled bright.
"no you plum. he's called tony." he couldn't help but chuckle.
his hearts panged as he realized that she wasn't there to get his joke. craig wouldn't understand.
no one would ever understand him like rose.
and the doctor could never see her again. - "because i love you." it was he first thing that popped into his head. a distraction for craig so he didn't panic.
a simple way to keep craig occupied so he didn't freak out and attract the cybermen.
of course, that wasn't something that was just on his mind for no reason. that wasn't just the first thing that came to his mind out of the blue.
but the doctor was thinking of someone special. someone special who was always on his mind these days.
no matter where he went or what he did, the doctor would never stop thinking of the words he didn't say.
"i-" he knew what she was gonna say even as she stopped in order to catch her breath. "i love you."
he knew he wanted to say it back.
he also knew there was very little time left to say it.
"quite right too." he needed to be quick.
"and i suppose, if it's my last chance to say it." he tried. "rose tyler-"
the hologram faded away before he ever got the chance, and as he closed his mouth, the words left unsaid on his tongue, the doctor let himself cry.
he would never stop thinking of the girl he couldn't say them too.
rose tyler, the one who was always on his mind. - "it's what the universe does for..." his voice trailed off without even realizing it as a couple walking caught his eye.
the man had spiky brown hair and the girl gorgeous red hair.
it was amy.
amelia pond and rory williams.
a little girl was asking amy for her autograph. she was a model, on pictures and advertisements.
he knew they lived their lives like regular people when he wasn't around, but it was where they were that threw him.
a shop.
a shop very similar to the one he had met rose in.
a little shop on the corner.
only this little shop didn't contain rose. it contained amy, his best friend, but not rose.
because rose tyler, the love of his life, was gone.
forever. - "a normal human life on earth! mortgage repayments, nine to five, a persistent nagging sense of spiritual emptiness." the doctor had on multiple occasions thought of what it would be like to live a normal human life.
he thought of what it would be like to have all the things he just listed, and what we'd do with a normal life.
there was no answer. no real answer.
he couldn't see himself living that life anymore. at one point he could.
once when he got stuck on a space ship that was orbiting around a black hole.
he had talked about the possibility of getting a mrlgtage before. or rather, someone had talked about it to him.
"you'd have to get a mortgage." rose tyler chuckled as a look took over the doctors face and he stuttered about dying instead.
"no, no that is it, i am dying, it is over." the thought truly terrified him, but it made rose tyler laugh.
"what about me is have to get one too?" at least she was smiling. "i don't know, we could get the same one. we could both, i don't know, share."
he couldn't think of anything to say. he never could when it came to rose.
now, he'd never get a mortgage, he'd never even consider it.
