the doctor will never forget rose. not really. and though he may not speak of her, or let himself be as sad as he once was, he remembers her. even hundreds and thousands and millions and billions of years later.
the doctor will move on, not because...
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"and you are?" the doctor always smirked at the way people questioned who he was when he just showed up somewhere.
"ghostbusters." the smirk faded quickly.
almost like he couldn't control it, he was slipping back into a memory.
"now don't tell me you're gonna sit back and do nothing." rose tyler crossed her arms as she entered the tardis.
the doctor popped up from the panel he was digging under holding a machine to help them out.
"who ya gonna call?" he bobbed his head and rose couldn't contain her laughter.
"ghost busters!"
"i ain't afraid of no ghosts." he continued as he rushed out of the tardis to find out what the ghosts really were. rose followed.
she always followed him.
she was laughing.
little did he know it was the last time he'd ever hear that beautiful laugh. at least, the last time he'd hear her happy laugh.
when the doctor comes out of the memory, he looks towards clara as subtly as he could.
a part of him is hoping that when he looks, it won't be clara.
secretly, the doctor found himself hoping it would be his rose.
but he knew that was impossible and that was something he'd have to live with forever. - everything ends. the words sound circles around the doctors head.
he hated them. because he knew they were true.
as a time lord, especially as a time lord, he knew that everything had to end. that's the way the universe worked.
but something about the phrase rubbed him the wrong way.
because those words weren't true, not necessarily.
"no not everything. not love, not always." that was the truth. because not all love needed to die.
maybe there was a time when he believed it, that everything ended. but not anymore.
love was forever. or, it could be.
and he knew that, because the doctors love for rose was forever.
his love for her was one that would never end, that would never die. it would always be there, haunting him, hurting him? slowly killing him.
his love for her was forever, and it lasted the doctor long after rose tyler was gone. - "can't you just you know fly the tardis into a parallel universe?" the question irritated the doctor to end.
no, he cannot. there is no way to fly the tardis into a parallel universe.
he would know.
the doctor has tried. really, properly tried.
many, many times.
there were so many times when the doctor had found himself trying to fly the tardis back into the parallel universe he had left rose.
it was impossible. and he should know, because he had tried. time and time again.
"it's not a parallel universe it's a pocket universe." he intentionally refused to answer he question. "plus it's collapsing."
answering her question was allowing himself to stop and think about why he knew so much about parallel universes.
it was allowing himself to stop and think about rose, and how she was gone forever.
she was trapped there, in that parallel universe. there truly was no way to get to her, and he knew that because he had tried.
so. many. times.
but it was easier to avoid her question so he didn't have to think about rose.
so that's what he did. - "it's the oldest story in the universe, boy and girl fall in love get separated by events or politics accidents in time." as he spoke, the happiness in his voice was incredibly forced.
he was trying to explain to clara what was truly happening, because he had gotten it wrong.
they weren't ghosts.
and now he understood it, in more ways than one.
"she's thrown out of the hex or he's thrown into it." he had figured it out, because he understood. he understood what it was like to be yearning for someone.
yearning for rose.
"since then they've been yearning for each other across time and space across dimensions!" he knew.
ever since the doctor left rose behind on that beach, he'd spent his time wishing for a way to bring her back.
hoping to find a way to see the love of his life one more time.
"this isn't a ghost story, it's a love story!" he couldn't help but smile as he finished his little speech. the look on clara's face convinced him to take his arm off her shoulder, but he couldn't help but feel some joy at what he had done.
he had reunited two lovers who were torn apart through disturbances in time and space, the way he was torn away from rose.
and maybe, just maybe, if he could help someone get their rose back, he could learn to live without his.
but his hearts still sped up at the mention of her name and his shoulders still wilted when thoughts of her crossed his mind.
because his reality was, he'd never be able to forget about rose. no matter how hard he tried.
