the doctor will never forget rose. not really. and though he may not speak of her, or let himself be as sad as he once was, he remembers her. even hundreds and thousands and millions and billions of years later.
the doctor will move on, not because...
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"big day for fans of walls." the doctor trailed off as he thought about his statement. 'big day for fans of walls.'
although he encounters walls everyday, something about the way he had said it made him hesitate.
after all, walls were the thing that separated him from the love of his life.
"i took the power out of her." jack looked back at the doctor, excruciating pain written all over his face.
the doctor hesitated before speaking his next bit.
"she's gone, jack. she's not just living in a parallel world, she's trapped there. the walls have closed."
even speaking those words made the doctor want to break down in tears all over again. she was gone, truly, properly gone.
and nothing he could say or do would bring her back to him.
a tear sprang to his eye.
"hold on, this is the parallel universe, right?"
"you're back home." the doctor announced.
"and the wall of the world are closing again, now that the reality bomb never happened. it's dimensional retroclosure. see i really get that stuff now." donna added.
both doctors looked at her with pride, pressing down the fact that the doctor, the time lord doctor, would never see rose tyler again.
he knew that, and yet he was still going to leave her there anyway.
because she deserved a happy life.
his biggest regret would forever be leaving the woman he loved on that beach a second time.
"we gotta go. this reality is sealing itself off. forever." she looked at him like he had kicked her dog.
she took a step towards him and began speaking again.
"but it's still not right, cause, the doctors, still you." her voice was shaky, and she was in distress. it was obvious she didn't want him to leave.
but he knew this was the right thing to do. leaving her there, that's what was best for her.
rose tyler deserved her own life.
but the doctor would have given anything to have taken her with him again.
and knowing she was stuck on the other side of the walls of the parallel universe broke his hearts everyday. - howie and rory walked a few paces behind the doctor and amy and the rest of them. the doctor could very faintly hear their conversation.
"i've worked out where we are!" howie cried. "norway!"
although he kept walking, once again the doctor froze. his hearts began beating faster and faster and he stopped listening.
"where are we where did the gap come out?"
"we're in norway."
"norway, right."
"bout 50 miles out of bergen. it's call därlig ulv stranden."
"dalek?" he felt his hearts drop as he realized her sacrifice had been for nothing, the daleks were still torturing their world.
"därlig. it's norweigen for bad." she laughed. "this translates as bad wolf bay."
it hurt to think about. at this point it had been years since rose, since he had said goodbye to her for the last time on that beach.
he had gotten to see her once more, before regeneration, but she didn't know him.
now here he was, being reminded of her again.
and the doctor was consistently reminded that the wound of losing rose would never get any easier. - he knew that it wasn't safe.
but the pull was so strong, and the doctor was getting closer and closer to figuring this thing out.
he slowly inched towards the door labeled 11. a half smirk almost crossed his face at the number, the irony not missed despite the seriousness of the situation.
"of course." the doctor tried to smile. "who else?"
rose tyler.
the only person who was always there when he needed her.
she was there in the memories, in the places, in the things, even the people.
so instead of thinking of the monster and saving amy and rory, the doctor only had one thought- her.
as she stood standing behind the door, smiling up at him, he couldn't help but grin.
because even though she was never actually there, she still always knew just what he needed. - "it didn't just want me." amy stated matter of factly. "so you must believe in some god or someone or they'd have shown you the door too."
he looked at amy with pain, disbelief, and sorrow. it took him a moment to collect his thoughts and he couldn't stop himself from slipping back into a memory.
"if i believe in something, just one thing," the doctor glared at the beast in the pit staring back at him, "i believe in her."
with that, he picked up a rock and smashed the vase.
he knew that she'd be okay, that she'd have found a way out.
she always did.
he believed that she would this time.
and she had.
how could he explain that to amy pond, the girl who'd never known rose? amy pond, the girl who waited, the girl who stood in front of him asking him what he believed in.
and he could never tell her.
because all he'd ever believed, and all he ever would believe in, in was rose tyler.
