the doctor will never forget rose. not really. and though he may not speak of her, or let himself be as sad as he once was, he remembers her. even hundreds and thousands and millions and billions of years later.
the doctor will move on, not because...
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"shall i run and get the manuel?" amy cried in an attempt to talk him out of the anger he was feeling that resulted in him kicking the tardis. she tried not to giggle.
"i threw it in a supernova." he called as he limped down the stairs.
his breathing was unsteady, but amy and rory didn't notice.
"you threw the manuel in a supernova?" amy emphasized. "why?"
"because i disagreed with it!" he shrieked. "stop talking to me when i'm cross!"
the real reason he was cross, at this point, was no longer their predicament.
it was because of how unfairly the universe treated him after all the years he had spent saving it from evil.
'i've done everything for this universe,' a silent tear dropped down his cheeks, 'why must you take EVERYTHING FROM ME!'
of all the things he has lost, there was one person whose loss had been the most painful.
rose tyler.
his thoughts, specifically thoughts of her, were loudly rattling around his head as he tried to calm his breathing.
'but it doesn't matter now.' he thought. 'she's gone. she's gone and when i found out that i'd lost her i got upset and threw the manual in the supernova because it told me i'd never make it back to her.'
the doctor let himself cry.
'i'll never make it back to rose.' - "honestly i'd heard such good things, the last of the time lords," whomever stood in front of the doctor continued speaking, "the oncoming storm."
the doctor froze.
it had been a while since he'd heard the nickname.
he stumbled into the room where amy and mickey stood.
"oh look at what the cat dragged in, the oncoming storm." rose droned on.
she was all tied up, it was only natural that she'd be a little on edge.
"oh you sound just like your mum." he grumbled as he looked at the drink he has in his hand.
although it was a scary situation for her, all tied to a table ready to be dissected, he knew it was something they'd laugh about later.
unfortunately, they never got the chance.
he was startled back to reality by the dream lord continuing to speak.
"him in the bow tie." the dream lord was in front of them, tormenting him. the dream lord knew that it would get to him.
he knew somehow, that the doctor was still always thinking of rose.
and he always would be, no matter what.
the dream lord knew the doctor would always be thinking of rose tyler. - "the doctor knows you. but he's not telling me who you are." amy said with confidence. "and he always does, takes him a while sometimes but he tells me."
the doctor knew what she was saying to him, of course, because it was him.
in the deep, dark, depths of his mind, the dream lord was him.
"so you're something different." amy continued.
"oh. i-is that who you think you are? the one he trusts?" the dream lord taunted. amy tried to remain confident.
"actually, yes." her confidence was starting to fall.
"the only girl in the universe to whom the doctor tells everything." the dream lord was taunting not only her, but also himself.
he was taunting her because he knew that deep down, there was someone the doctor was always comparing amy to.
the truth is, if he had to choose between telling amy and telling rose, the doctor would always tell rose first.
she was his safe spot.
and he loved her.
he was always comparing amy to rose.
he didn't mean too, but he couldn't help it.
as amazing as the spunky ginger was, she would never. be. rose.
and the dream lord knew that, because he was the part of the doctors mind that suffered the most from losing rose. - after it all, after the doctor blew up the tardis and saved his companions, he looked down.
in the reflection of the tardis, the dream lord was looking up at him, smirking.
that part of himself didn't just vanish. a part of the doctor died every time someone he loved left him.
every time he lost someone he loved, the dream lord had things to feed on.
as the dream lord smirked up at him, the doctor knew what he was saying to himself. 'you know why we did this. you know the final straw.'
losing rose had given the dream lord the ammunition he needed to torture his two best friends.
and the doctor would never forgive himself for that.
