If Love Was A Choice

CHAPTER 5

NOAH

I don't need to be told I failed in engaging in a conversation with a girl. I totally blew it. I screwed, I could see from her eyes how bored she was and wanted to leave.

I made her go. I couldn't even ask for her contact. It was quite hurtful.
Maybe it's because I never did try to get a girl before and all girls wanted me. It is funny that even when I'm the heir to the mafia, I've never been in any relationship with a girl not even a sexual relationship.

My uncle did tease me about it calling me a virgin at 21.
Everyone around me just wanted me to try and hook up that's why they introduced me to this club.

At first I did hate it here until I saw her. She made me want to come here again and again.
I was here tonight because of her and I blew my only opportunity tonight.

Her name was ringing in my head like a rap song. I did tell her I am Noah Hawkins, because I want to keep the fact that I'm a Clover a secret.
I didn't want her to cling on to me because of how famous my family was.
If she had to cling on to me, it should be because she has genuine feelings for me.

This is the shit my dad warned me about.
Love destroys alot. If you fall in love, you'll destroy not just yourself but the mafia and everyone who looks up to you. If you ever crave for s** or want to bare a child, get one slut hook up with her till she satisfies you however you want. That's how it's done. That's how I bore you.
Those are my father's exact words.
I really wonder why they see love to be a destruction.

I am fully ready to feel love and I've felt it already. I'm not stopping.
I could marry her and have a right family, train my children rightly and can even leave the business.

Killing people and dealing with stocks ain't my hobby but I found myself training everyday for it when I turned 8. My father was quick to teach me everything and every strategy.
He did say there is no trust in the business and that was how he destroyed one who put his trust in him.
Really don't know who that was but I don't care.

My grandfather was also so keen to make sure I learnt every step.
He is very proud of my father and wants me to be proud of me too.

Everything I do is for them. I kill for them. I run the business for them. To make them happy, not like I'm genuinely happy.
I don't just find my inner peace doing this.

I haven't even taken time to know my talents. I'm always killing, travelling or training recruits.

I'm quite a busy man.

I left the room I was dining and went down to the main club.
I searched around, maybe I would see her but I didn't.

My eyes wandered in all the corners hoping to see her somewhere .
I walked up to the owner of the club.
"Aliyah!" She turned to look at me and immediately flashed me a seductive smile but she was way too old for me.
Maybe she like 40?... She had alot of wrinkled lines on her face and her body was kinda bulgy.
"Hello handsome, how may I help you?"
"You've an employee her name is Alex" I watched her cheer happily.
"So finally you're interested in someone. Carlos would be so happy" she had a relationship with my father. She was one of his sluts years back and also involved in the business.

I gave her a faint smile not wanting to explain myself to her.
"Can you just keep my identity a secret. If anyone asks, I'm Carlos Hawkins."
I watched her smile fade" why?"
I shrugged but she agreed anyways.
"Now about Alex,where is she?"
" She's gone. Her shift is over."

I felt a sting of pain in my heart. Why did she have to go.
"Do you have her contact?"
Aliyah nodded and she gave me Alex's contact. She was cheering happily. I rarely find interest in girls.
I had seen variety of the girls she had in her club but none got me.
Not even the naked dancers.
So I did understand her happiness and it made me chuckle.

In my head, I felt like doing something really stupid.
My heart didn't want to, but alas I followed my head.
I hopped on my bike and rode off.

The neighborhood was quiet but I didn't budge. There was no need to freak out not with my martial arts.
The only issue I had was finding her apartment in the midst of all the apartment in this area.

I wore a dark glass to try and hide my face. Even if no one knew me yet as Carlos' son I didn't want to take any chances.

The place looked quite rough and I must say, it smelled like a den of criminals living here.
It only made me wonder why Alex was living in such an environment.

A man was walking towards me. I stopped and waited for him to get to me. He stared at me Intensely. Although it was dark, seemed he could still see me.
"Hey! I'm looking for Alex!" He pointed to an apartment not far from where we stood.
"Thank you!" I walked towards the apartment.

I was already at the door step but I was feeling a bit of hesitation. I was quite scared and shy.

I had come to kill in this neighborhood earlier today and now I'm back to see a girl, I liked.
I just hoped I didn't kill anyone close to her.
I knocked softly on the door and she came to open it.

I could tell she was stunned by the way she looked at me.
"What are you doing here?"
I didn't even know what to say because I honestly didn't know why I had come.
She looked at me for some answers but I was completely speechless.
She pulled me into her apartment and shut the door.
Her hands were folded on her chest. Her gaze didn't shift from me, I don't know if she felt anger or confusion but I know she felt one of the both of even both.

"Why are you here?"
"I'm sorry. I just wanted to see you again" it came out almost as a whisper. My voice was soft and low.
I never imagined I would feel this way for a lady and not even know how to talk properly anymore.

I moved closer to her and she was drifting backwards till her back hit the wall.
I loved her face. Her slightly orange lips and her curly blonde hair was so enticing.
I knew I had an effect on her. A great effect. I could feel her body trembling.
I was  taller than she was, she had to look up to me.

ALEX

I could feel his breath on my face.
His big muscles prevented me from moving with both hands on the wall.
His face kept coming closer to mine. I felt glued to the spot. I didn't want to move at the same time I wanted to scream.

His fingers trailed my face softly. I didn't feel that feeling of disgust like I felt at the club when other men touched me.
I felt a feeling of longing.
My heart raced in confusion. I didn't want this, yet I was running wild in my head.
Was he gonna kiss me?

Really don't know how but I pushed him away and ran to the other side of the sitting room.
"Leave my house! Did you come here to get me for a night? Well let me inform you, I'm no slut. I might be working in a club but I am no slut. Get that? Now leave!" I yelled.
"I don't want you for a night Alex. Don't get me wrong."
"Liar! All men that go to that kind of a club want sluts to take to bed and you're no different".

I watched his face turn sad. I stared in confusion but I didn't want to back down incase be tried any sort of rubbish.
"I'm not like them Alex. Yes I go to the club. It doesn't make me one of them. I'm been forced to go there by my friends. Please Alex, don't misunderstand me."
"Get out you bastard! You are no different. Get out of my house!" I didn't want to listen to him.

Somewhere it hurt me to know he could one of those men that only used and dump girls I guess that's why I reacting this way.

"I'll leave!" He didn't argue or insist he just left.
I couldn't believe he would leave just like that. It began to make me feel sad. I felt like I had done something wrong.
O shitt!!