Close to not enough - Jensen Ackles Fanfic

26º Chapter

Precisely 7 minutes later, the car came to a stop and I got out of the small space so fast that I didn't even hear the sound of Jensen's door opening. Only his voice got my attention, but I didn't dare to stop walking or even look at him from behind my shoulder.

"I'll walk you to the door." — His voice was louder than usual, but I couldn't really blame him. He was probably trying to be nice by taking me home, but instead of having a nice and quiet drive, he had to deal with me, with my sad heart and my big mouth.

I just nodded my head without turning in his direction and even the ride in the elevator was made in complete silence, but instead of that making me feel better because he wasn't talking about how desperate I was. I was starting to feel angry, sad... confused, every thought that was walking in my mind was a complete mess because there were so many things I didn't understand. I couldn't really bring myself to ask him anything, so as we got in front of my door, I turned my body in his direction letting my eyes finally found his beautiful green ones without fear of sounding stupid for what I was about to say.

"At first I was sad, you know? She's going to have everything and I won't... she's going to spend the rest of her life by your side, but now? Now I'm jealous and at the same time, I'm happy because I had that chance first... I've got to enjoy a whole summer with you, making you smile, laugh...get a boner almost all the time." — I tried to lighten the mood a bit by my last words as I took a small step closer to him and seeing that he didn't get away from me, I let my hand rest gently on his chest.

"I miss that... the way you laugh, the way you smiled at the stupid jokes that I used to tell you, the way that your eyes glow whenever you're happy." — He said, his hand was gently resting on top of mine on his chest, and that gave me a sudden confidence that I know I shouldn't have.

"Then kiss me, Jay..." — I said, trying to get a little closer to him, but his voice made me stop in my tracks immediately.

"I can't..." — He looked at me with a sad smile playing on his lips, and I wanted nothing more than to slap his fucking face at the moment. I know that wasn't the right thing to do, and instead I just took a step away from him and I opened the door of the apartment.

"I see... obviously we didn't feel the same before, and we don't feel the same way now." — I said, walking inside the apartment, but before I could actually close the door, I saw Jensen burst into the apartment. His hands grabbing his hair tightly in between his fingers like he was mad at something, probably at me, I suppose.

"You think I don't want it? That I don't miss it? Seeing how your lips got swollen after we made out for hours in the back seat of my car, or the way that you used to say my name in your sleepy voice? The way that you cuddled me all night?" — He said, pacing back and forth inside the living room, while I simply closed the door. — "I fucking miss it all... I miss the way you moan my name whenever I kiss your neck..." — His fingers touch the sweet spot on my neck lightly, making me sigh. — "Right here... I miss it all, Claire." — He concluded by looking me right in the eyes.

"Then stop me please if this feels wrong to you..." — I said, not really expecting for him to just stay still as I took a step closer to him.

My hands touched the back of his neck before my lips actually touched his, those soft, red and pumped lips that I've missed so much during these passing months. I wasn't expecting when I felt Jensen calloused hands touching my waist pulling my body closer to his.

#Jensen POV#

"Tell me that this is not a mistake..." — I whispered against her lips. I'm not dumb, I know that what I'm about to do is a fucking mistake, but I can live with that mistake if she's the mistake I'll make.