"I can't ask you to do what I want, Claire... I don't want to ask you that." — I could actually hear the hurting in his voice, the pain he was feeling, the fear, the rejection, I could hear it all by the way that his voice was getting past his lips in such a harsher way.
"I would say yes..." — I don't know what got into me at this point, but I could never lie to him, especially not in this situation. Even if he asked me to jump with him out of a freaking plane, I would say yes, because the feeling I have for him hit so much deeper than my fear of heights. With him by my side, I would do anything, even if that might kill me on the way.
"What?" — I wanted to laugh at the way that his face was looking, with his eyebrows almost meeting each other in the middle of his forehead. For a moment, I don't know if he is asking me or if he is just stunned about what I said.
"I would say yes if you want to keep us a secret, Jay." — I finally let out the words that I was fighting so hard inside to keep them just to me and my thoughts. Never in my life have I ever thought about telling a man that I don't mind being the 'other women', but as I said before... This man isn't just a random man, this is the man I love and this is the man that I would face an entire world if it meant that he was going to be by my side.
"Why? Why would you say yes to that, Claire... you're worth so much more than that, you deserve the world. You deserve someone that can give you two times more the things that you give to them and Jesus... you are worth everything this world has to give you, why would you say yes to be kept in the dark?" — Jensen asked, his eyes were searching all over my face for some kind of answer. I honestly don't think he is going to find one, because the answer he is looking for is deeply buried in my heart and about to get out from my lips.
"Because I love you more than I ever admitted before, Jensen, because you deserve as much as I can give you and I want to have everything that you can give me... I don't mind being kept in the dark if it means that I can have you for at least five minutes of your day." — I said, looking deeply into his green and sparkling eyes that were glued on mine.
"I can't do that to you, Claire. I am many things, but I won't be selfish, not with you." — It hurt, I admit... I thought that this is what he wanted. I thought that he wanted to be with me, but apparently his feelings aren't as deep as mine and that's ok, but I couldn't stop my blood from boiling inside my veins because it hurts... so much.
"Well... then you can leave. You have a fiancée waiting for you at home, Jensen." — I gathered the sheet that was covering our bodies, so I could get out of the bed without really exposing myself to him again. Not because of shame, but because I just don't want him to think that I'm trying to make him change his mind just because of the pleasure I can give him.
"Don't do that, Claire..." — He was sitting on the bed at this point, his back resting against the headboard while his eyes were capturing my every move while I was passing around the room trying to gather his clothes in my hands.
"Do what Jensen? Please enlighten me in this one because I can't fucking beg you to stay with me. You've made your decision the moment you ask her to marry you, even if you regret it after." — When I finally got everything I could gather in my arms, I just laid the layers of clothing on the end of the bed and waited for him to reach for them. Apparently he was too damn comfortable looking at me, because he didn't move a single finger, and that only pissed me off more. — "I can't just stay here and watch you leave either, so just... get up, get dressed and leave please... this was a mistake, and I'm truly sorry." — I might have just hit a nerve because in a second I have Jensen out of the bed. His boxers, already dressed and looking at me with so much frustration that I can't help but be a little proud of having an effect on him.
"Don't you fucking dare to say that this was a mistake, Claire!" — His eyes were stuck on mine, making me drawn once again in that forest of green that I used to be lost so many times before. Some place where the hours stop passing and every single second I spend stuck there are the best moments I've ever had.
"But it was Jay and a fucking big one, to be honest!" — I couldn't stop my voice to climb up a few octaves, and I don't know anymore if it is because of the anger that is building inside of me. If it is the frustration or if it is just me being finally tired of fighting against all my feeling just to keep the world happy and in peace. I'm done making everybody else around me happy when I have to be miserable to do that, I'm done.
"If this was a mistake, then I am doomed to keep doing them... because I can't stay away from you any longer, Claire. I fight too hard to keep my distance from you, to keep our relationship professional, to try to be just friends with you... but I'm done fighting against everything I feel, I'm done being away from you." — The fucking smirk that was on his face was taking everything in me to either slap it out of his face or kiss it till it disappear. Honestly I couldn't do either because first I need to be sure about what we are doing, if I'm going to jump head first into this, I need to at least have a helmet to do it.
"Then what, Jay? She will always be everywhere... On set, in the conventions, at your house. These past months that's what made everything so much harder... the thought of you, after work, going home. The acknowledgement of knowing that everyday you'll go home to her." — My vision is starting to get blurred, and I know that I'm one step away from the edge. Just a little step further, and I will fall freely on my face, only he has the power to stop me from falling, but he is also the one with the power to make me fall harder.
"We'll figure it out... I promise Sweetheart. I will make this work until I have what it needs to call the wedding off with her. Not only that, but I will be here, and I will be with you, and no one or anything will ever stop me from doing exactly that." — He pulled my body closer to his, his arms were evolving my body in the most welcoming hug I received in the last months and that made it feel so much like home, like I belonged there all along. — "I love you, Claire, and I will prove that to you every day from now on."
"I'm in..."
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Close to not enough - Jensen Ackles Fanfic
Fanfiction"Pain is the price of love We agree to pay it whenever we open our hearts. Every hello comes with the knowledge that one day it will be a goodbye Every first kiss comes with the certainty That there will one day be a last. And yet, even thought we k...
