Close to not enough - Jensen Ackles Fanfic

41º Chapter

I felt the light touch on my back in small eight figures pulling me out of my dreamless sleep, but I couldn't bring myself to really open my eyes.

I let myself enjoy the gentle touches and the small kisses that I was feeling on my exposed back. The smile that was starting to show on my face will definitely ruin my attempt to pretend that I was still sound asleep.

"Morning..." — Jensen's voice was always the most beautiful sound I ever heard, but Jensen's morning voice was certainly something else, so harsh and still full of sleep in it.

"No... it's still dark." — I know that I was pouting at this point, but I can't let myself let the reality set in. I know that as soon as I let my eyes open, I know that I have to get up and start my day without Jensen.

"Indeed..." — Another small kiss was given on my back, this time leaving little goosebumps around the small area where his lips just touched. — "I have to be ready in half an hour and the others are awake by now" – That's it, that's the reality I didn't want to get face to face with.

"You're a pain in my ass sometimes, you know that, Ackles?" — I couldn't really turn my body in his direction because Jensen has most of his body on top of mine. I heard him chuckling against the skin on the small of my back, and I let myself open my eyes for the first time today, enjoying the still very dark room around us.

"I can say the same about you, but that doesn't stop me from loving you even more." — He finally took some of his weight from my back letting me have enough space to turn in his direction, this way I can let myself drown in those big, beautiful, green eyes.

"I'm going to be the small devil on your shoulder for a second here and ask if you really need to go today..." — I knew his answer already, and honestly I couldn't be able to stop him from going, hell I would probably be pushing him out of the door.

"I want to go, this is the only time I have to spend with the fans..." — His lips were on my forehead before he got out of bed to get ready.

"I know baby... I could never stop you from going, really, but it's going to be hard to just be in this cabin with just Gen... chilling, drinking some wine and watching TV." — I watched him closely while he got dressed in a pair of black ripped jeans, a black t-shirt and his favorite black and red flannel.

"Yeah, because you hate to just hang around with Gen all day doing lots of nothing." — His tone was full of sarcasm, making me chuckle a little before getting out of bed myself and walking in his direction.

"Well, good luck for today and..." — I got myself on my tip toes, so I could get my face closer to his, giving him a small peck on the lips. — "I love you" – I smiled when I heard him murmuring the same words back against my lips.

Sneaking out of his room wasn't as hard as it had been the night before. Everyone was already out of their rooms and eating breakfast, or at least that's what I thought, but as soon as I closed Jensen's bedroom door behind me, I heard a fake cough behind me.

At first, I didn't even want to turn in that direction, I couldn't bring myself to look at the person's eyes and see nothing but disappointment in them, especially coming from this person specifically.

"Good Morning..." — I heard. That accent couldn't be mistaken anywhere in this world and against every wish that my heart was making at this point, my feet started to move, and my eyes landed on the red hair of Ruth.

"Hey..." — My eyes were already starting to water, even with me fighting so hard to put a fake smile on my face and just pretend that nothing happened. But this is Ruth we're talking about, this woman has the most acute sixth sense I have ever seen, she already knows everything and I haven't spoken a word yet.

"I can do one of two things, Claire..." — She was talking, her voice so quiet that it almost looked like a whisper, probably to not bring the attention of the people downstairs to our conversation. — "I can keep walking and pretend that I haven't seen you sneaking out of Jensen's room, or I can tell you that I saw you sneak in last night." — Her hand was already on my shoulder and I thanked her internally because that hand is keeping me grounded to something, if it wasn't for her hand I would probably be crying already.

" You...saw?" — The tears might not be falling from my eyes, but the tightness in my chest was making it so hard to just get the words out of my mouth. This time, I can't bring myself to lie, even if the world depends on it.

"I did...and I'm not disappointed. Maybe a little mad for not realizing sooner, but, I couldn't be mad at you, Claire... not after everything that you've been through this last year." — Her arms were grabbing me in a tight hug, my head resting on her small shoulder, and that felt so peaceful for a second that I just wanted to stay just like this for the rest of the day.

"I'm sorry..." — Ruth has been like a mother to me, the mother that I've never had the chance to meet. The only person that I didn't want to find out about me and Jensen like this, the one that I was most afraid of disappointing.

"Don't you dare to apologize to me, Claire!" — Her small hands grabbed both sides of my face, bringing me to look at her through my glassy eyes. When I thought I would find a straight and disappointed face looking back at me, I found a small smile instead. — "You don't have to be sorry for trying to be happy, from grabbing the person you love and trying to build a life with them even when the circumstances aren't great. From all the people I knew in all my life... you're the one that more deserves the happiness you're feeling, and I'm so proud of you for not throwing that chance away or letting it go." — The sobs that were coming out of my mouth were most likely bringing the attention of all the other people around the cabin, but I couldn't care less at this point. Even with the horrible thing that I've been doing, she was still proud of me and that made a smile appear on my lips covered by falling tears.

"Everything is ok in here?" — Gen was the one that appeared behind us, and I couldn't be more happy about that. I don't know what I would have done if it was another person coming upstairs. I saw from my peripheral vision Ruth's hand gesturing to Gen to come closer and when she was closer enough, Ruth pulled both of us into a heartwarming hug.

"I've never had daughters of my own, but you two took that place very well, and let me tell you girls." — She stopped just so her lips could kiss both of our foreheads in a gentle kiss. — "I'm so proud of the women you've both have become." — It was hard to describe how that words warmed my heart and probably Gen's too, because I realized at some point that I wasn't the only one crying. We were all crying by now and for some stupid, chaotic reason... that made me feel like home.