Close to not enough - Jensen Ackles Fanfic

62º Chapter

We've been walking around for a while now.

I always told him the name of the neighbors whenever we passed a house and the family in it asked me about how I was and where is Summer.

This is a really close neighborhood, everybody knows everyone and we like to see everyone happy. I'm doing that because Jensen had mentioned it last week that he might be moving here when all this is over and done with, so he could be closer to Summer, that made me really happy to be honest.

We decided to stop at the small park that was on the end of the street and take a seat on the grass. For a moment I didn't even think about messing up the white dress that I'm wearing because the grass is a little dumped from the watering that happens every morning.

"So... I've been wanting to ask you since I took Summer to breakfast, but I never got the chance to be alone with you for more than five minutes." — I took my eyes away from the dog that was running with a stick in his mouth to look at him, but I found him looking in the exact opposite direction.

"Go ahead..." — I had to almost choke my heart, so I could make my brain obey the order of taking my eyes away from his face that apparently was too focused on the other side of the park.

"After you had Summer... did you, you know?" — I frown at his words because honestly I don't have any clue about what he is talking about. Maybe Summer has told him something, and I'm not currently following his line of thoughts.

"Actually, you have to be a little more specific than that because I have no idea what you're talking about." — I let past my lips a little chuckle because as I tried to search in my brain for any indication of what he meant, I came back empty-handed.

"Did you...had anyone? A boyfriend or something..." — I had to put my eyes back on him again because I almost choked on my own saliva when I heard him. Has Summer told him something that it's not true? Or did she tell him the truth?

"Jealous?" — I don't know where the confidence to get those words out of my lips came from, but at least that made him turn his gaze to me finally. His face was straight, tho, indicating to me that he is actually serious about this subject. — "Not that it's any of your business, but no... I didn't have a boyfriend or anything this whole time." — I was the one that had to turn my eyes away from him this time because his gaze was too intense to just keep staring at him right in the eyes.

"Why didn't you?" — It felt like a genuine question, pure curiosity in it... this time not a single trace of jealousy, and that hurt a little to be completely honest.

"I didn't have time for that, and I never really wanted to, you know?" — I took a deep breath, focusing my eyes back on the dog that was still happily running around the grass with the stick between his teeth. — "Summer wanted me to date, she even tried to push me into dating one of her teachers, that little minx, but I always told her that..." — I couldn't complete my sentence because somehow his voice got louder than mine, so he could finish my own words.

"You wouldn't date anyone when you still love another person...why? Why after all these years you didn't move on?" — Once again, pure curiosity... but somehow this time I want to come clean on him, I want to speak up the truth once and for all, I'm done leaving things to say.

"I didn't want to... I didn't want to move on, so I didn't. It's as simple as that, honestly. You can't stop loving someone if you don't try to, and I never really did... I didn't want to have another man in my life because the only man that I wanted was going to get married and have a family. I just didn't want to forget that man and everything that we've been through and what we had done..." — My eyes were starting to get blurry as the tears started to show up slowly on my eyes. — "It's been six years since we've kissed, and I rather have the ghost of your mouth on my lips than to kiss anyone else... Simple as that." — One of my stubborn tears decided to fall from my eyes, but it didn't go far because I felt the tip of his thumb cleaning the wetness of my cheek.

"I'm sorry..." — This time I was the one that interrupted him because honestly I'm done apologizing for everything, and I'm even more done with hearing the people apologize themselves to me.

"I'm not... I'm not sorry. We went separate ways, but my heart still beats for you. It longed for your return because everything lost its value the day you left me... I'm still hoping you come and be with me because I will give up almost everything to share another sweet moment with you. It's over between us, but I think my heart always though otherwise." — I didn't want to sound as harsh as I did, but I only realized that when I turned my eyes back to his face and saw how his green eyes were starting to fill with water.

"For six years, Claire... memories of us kept flooding my heart, always reminding me of how much I am still in love with you... I honestly can't keep living without you. I can't keep existing with a broken heart when I know that the other piece of it is right in front of me. Please, just look back and realize that our breakup was the worst move we have ever made..." — Now we were both a crying mess because I couldn't control my tears anymore and neither could he. For the first time, we are saying everything that maybe we should have said six years ago... but somehow, this feels the right time to say it all.

"It was... It really, really was, Jay. I promised you something, remember? I loved you once, I love you still... I always have and I probably always will." — He was looking directly into my eyes. Somehow those deep forest green orbs in front of me made me feel like I was getting myself lost between the trees that I once entered and never found my way back, he did it for me...nothing changed.

I wasn't expecting when I felt his hand on the back of my neck, pulling me slowly towards him while his body was leaning in my direction.

He was giving me enough time to back away or push him with the amount of time that he was taking, but I didn't want to push him away... I want him closer.

I can still remember so well how soft his lips felt on mine and how lost I can be in his kiss. I just didn't expect that when our lips finally closed together, the tears that were falling would multiply, but they did.

Because I finally remember that old feeling...the feeling of being safe, the feeling you get after a long day at work and finally taking a long and relaxing bath... that feeling it's... it's home.