Hey! So, this one is angst, and it's Karl just breaking down and telling Sapnap all his insecurities and just, yea, very sad, very dark
(Totally not me projecting on to Karl- also totally not gonna use lyrics from a song-)
TW: SH, ed, fear of being forgotten/abandoned
--------------------------------
Karl looked into the void of a ceiling in his room. It was 1:45am.
It was pitch black.
He couldn't sleep. Even with his boyfriend next to him.
He had been thinking about it for days. Weeks, months even.
He wanted to spill and tell Sapnap everything, all his feelings, what he's been doing to himself. He wanted to tell Sapnap about the anorexia, about the cutting, about everything.
But he just couldn't do it.
Sapnap rolled towards the blonde.
"Baby, why are you crying?" He mumbled, clearly being awoken by Karl's shakey sobs.
"I-I'm not crying b-babe.." Karl choked out as another sob raked through his smaller frame.
"Sweetheart, come here." Sapnap cooed, pulling the older boy into his chest.
Karl sobbed, basically scream crying into his lovers chest.
"Let it out baby, it's ok, you're ok baby, I'm right here." Sapnap cooed, playing with Karl's hair, kissing his head and rubbing his back.
"I-I'm sorry.im s-so sorry Nick.." Karl whimpered through tears. He felt terrible. He didn't mean to wake the younger boy.
"Baby, it's ok. Never apologize for having a bad day ok?" Sapnap said softly, looking into teary lavender gray eyes.
Karl nodded and sniffled.
"Now do you wanna tell me what's wrong my love?" Sapnap asked, kissing Karl's head again.
Karl sighed. He knew he had to say it now.
"I..Can't be too loud, can't be too busy. If I don't answer now, are they still gonna need me?" Karl mumbled, tears threatening to fall once more.
"Can't be too proud, can't think I'm pretty. Do they keep me around, so their flaws just seem silly?" Karl continued as more sobs raked through his body.
"I say I'm okay, 'cause they wouldn't care anyway and I could try to explain but my efforts in vain."
"They can't relate to how I've drawn out in Sharpie where I take the scissors if that's what it took for me to look in the mirror."
"I've done every diet to make me look thinner, so why do I still feel so goddamn inferior?" Karl sobbed and shook from the adrenaline coursing through his from the stress.
Sapnap was in shock. He never knew Karl felt like this, he never really thought Karl felt this way. He never made anything obvious.
"My arms and thighs are fucking cutting boards Nick." Karl mumbled.
Sapnap's heart shattered.
Karl was cutting, starving himself, and he felt like he couldn't talk to Sapnap.
"Baby, baby look at me." Sapnap said softly, tilting Karl's chin.
"Baby, you are absolutely beautiful. You are the most amazing boy I've ever laid eyes on." Sapnap started.
"I know sometimes people are mean, and the comments get to you sweetheart, but I promise you, you are absolutely amazing." He continued.
"And you don't need to be afraid of anyone leaving you hunny, I'm not going anywhere, and none of our friends are going anywhere." He said softly.
"Baby, you can talk to me whenever you need to ok? I'll always be here for you, an dill do the best I can to help you feel better." He finished.
Karl continued to sob, but now it was happy sobs. He knew Sapnap was right, he knew everything he just said was true. He pulled up his sleeve and brought it up from under the covers. Sapnap gently grabbed his wrist and turned it, kissing as many of the scars and new cuts he could, before moving to the next wrist, then eventually down to the older boys thighs.
"Love? Can you promise me something?" Sapnap asked as he came back up from the kisses he placed on the boys thighs. Karl hummed in response.
"When you feel like this, any of this, and you want to cut, please just come to me first love? I know I might not be much help, but I can try." Sapnap said softly.
"I promise Sap." Karl mumbled.
"Thank you."
They fell asleep holding each other. Karl felt so much better, so much relief. He'd never let himself get this bad again.
As long as he had Sapnap.
----------------------------------
Ik it's kinda shit but take the angsty and fluffy shit, idk what I'll write next yet, someone give me some fucking suggestions damnit
YOU ARE READING
☆Karlnap one-shots☆
Fanfiction!!!COVER ART IS NOT MINE!!! I can't find the creator of this lovely art work, but! If anyone knows who made it, I'd really appreciate if you could send me the handle to the artist so the can get the credit the deserve! Pretty much just a whole bunch...
