{perterrerfactus – a feeling of terror or panic}
newt's pov:
I had not slept for about three days.
At the beginning of the journey, I made the decision to not stop for any reason – because I want to get to her as quick as I can.
I planned on not stopping, continuing to drive without pausing meant I would be with her sooner, and then it would all be worth it.
Once I'm with her, it won't matter how exhausted I am. Once I'm with her, everything wrong in the world will click into place, and all with be right again.
I just needed to reach her.
Rainer's words rattled around in my head – what if she didn't survive, and I'm merely chasing a ghost?
I never felt afraid that she had been dead before, but the closer I got, I realised she might not even be there.
I felt panicked, completely on edge and definitely close to passing out, but I ignored it, and continued on.
On the drive up here I had passed basically nothing – I saw only the remnants of once was a forest, a deserted old camp clearly used by people for basic shelter and a grand hill that I hastily avoided.
I have no clue what's on the top of that hill and I do not care about finding out.
I assumed cranks, or maybe another group who decided to take refuge, but either way I decided instantly that I just wasn't going to find out.
And I'm okay with that.
So, I continued driving. I estimated that I must have travelled just under 2,000 miles. It definitely felt like it.
The roads were dark and damp, but more than anything, they were desolate. Absolutely no one had walked down these paths in years – it felt strange to be the first person to change that in so long.
It also felt dangerous, as I know I'm alone, and if in trouble, there is no one around to help me. If I'm suddenly head-to-head with a crank, I only have myself to blame if I die. Even with the amount of physical therapy I've been doing, I don't think I could fight off a crank if it came barrelling towards me at full speed.
I wish she was here with me.
I knew however, that I didn't have long left until I would be at my destination. Just a few more hours and then I'd be there, in her home, in her environment, in her presence.
Nothing else kept me going the same way she did; and she's not even been with me these last few years.
I knew I'd feel safer if she were here.
And at that moment I caught myself wishing she was, when I noticed a small light out of the corner of my eye.
It wasn't very bright, mostly dim with a slight yellow tinge, but was still there nonetheless. I felt some panic creep it's way up my chest – I put my foot down on the accelerator harder than I anticipated.
The truck began to pick up the pace, as I swerved around corners to lose the small opening of light. But even as I continued, pushing my foot even further onto the accelerator and hitting eighty mph, I could not seem to lose whatever it was that was following me.
My breath started to get heavier and my hands gripped tightly onto the wheel; and yet I couldn't shake it.
I started to go faster, flattening my foot entirely onto the pedal. I sped around corners, drifted on and onto the path, struggling to maintain control of the vehicle. I was afraid I'd lose a handle on it, but I put the thought to the back of my head.
