{consternatio – a feeling of anxiety or dismay, especially at something unexpected.}
newt's pov:
I knew which room was hers immediately. Her smell still lingered in the air, clung onto the walls and objects that remained. She didn't leave long ago.
We decided to burn the bodies. We thought it kinder - a send off, almost.
We kept them in heaps, lighting the top corpse to start off the fire, and then left the rest to nature. The smell was absolutely putrid, but it dissipated into the air eventually, leaving us with merely ash and an uncomfortable feeling.
Children laid among them, most of those that died had been teenagers, a few older. It felt incredibly wrong, but mostly upsetting. None of these people deserved this.
I looked for my friends among them too – making sure I hadn't just discarded Minho or Thomas within the fire. But they weren't there, meaning they were still out there.
Hopefully.
I thought about y/n most. Worried about her whereabouts, if she's safe and well. I assumed she was – she was always very capable. But it didn't stop me from worrying.
I've watched her snap the necks of men twice her size, slicing their throats from ear to ear. But I still worry.
She's made a lot of enemies over the years – I wouldn't be surprised if someone still held a grudge, and decided to do something about it.
But worrying and debating I knew wouldn't get me anywhere.
I sat down on her bed, which had been stripped clearly in quite a hurry. The walls were covered in vines, and the room smelled of mould. There was no wardrobe, or drawers for that matter. I'm not sure what happened to the things in this room.
The floor was covered in dirt and sand, creating a layering so thick you couldn't even see the bottom. It allowed me to hear when someone came up behind me, however.
"Do you know if this was her room?"
Amos crept through the doorway, scanning the room just like I had done before. He came in holding a large broom, and a black bin bag.
I traced my hand delicately along her bed. "I think it was, yes."
He moved closer towards me, watching where he stepped. "How do you figure?" The boy asked, as he began to sweep the floor.
I sighed. "Just a feeling I have."
The boy shrugged. "You know I've never experienced what you have."
My brows furrowed, confused. I turned around to face him. "What do you mean?"
Amos continued sweeping. "Love. I have never been so in love with someone that I would travel across the country just to find them. You don't even know if she's alive, and yet, here you are, desperate to find her."
I wasn't really sure how to respond. "What's your point?" I asked the boy.
Amos shrugged again. "I'm not sure if I have one. Just a thought, mostly." He said, still sweeping the floor, creating piles of sand and dust as he went.
I moved off the bed to stand. "It was a great feeling. Being with her was amazing, learning who she was, and what she wanted to be." I began, clearing my throat. "But then I lost her, think I broke her heart, to be honest. I'm not even sure if she'd want to see me again – she doesn't even know I'm alive."
I took a deep breath in, steadying myself. "That is the worst feeling. Hurting someone you never wanted to see harmed, and not being able to do anything about it."
