The Seoul of Korea

(Chapter 14) The Night Sky

* 2 Weeks Later*

Michaela and I's trip back to Korea was only a week and a half. We figured that would be enough for a call back and unfortunately I didn't get one. As someone trying to achieve such a wild dream that I've had since back in quarantine, I knew once the real world opened back up again my chances would be slim. Honestly Korea now just reminds me of all my failures, failure to meet the beauty standard there, failure to keep Ji-Hoon, and failure to even past my bl audition.

Coming back to America was different this time because of that. I went back to my regular 9-5 office job and lonely apartment. At least I can enjoy the comforts of making music since that joy hasn't been snatched from me yet.

[On the phone with Michaela]

Michaela- "Are you free today? BTS is having a concert and Sung-ho bought us tickets and he has an extra one if you want to come.

Oh I forgot to mention after running into Sung-ho back in Korea they kept in touch and there bi-global. They spend time going back and fourth from the U.S. and Korea.

Nathaniel- "No it's okay, Kpop isn't really my thing, you can just resell it."

Michaela- "Okay, I'm toooo excited for jimin's vocals, I-"

*Ding-Dong*

Nathaniel- "One second Michaela I think it's my fenty beauty package, you know Rihanna got my face always looking right."

I open the door and then....

Ji-Hoon- "Nat, we need to talk."

Oh. My. God.

Michaela-"Girl who's at the door, the fuck. It's so silent.

Nathaniel- "Bitch let me call you back."

I felt so stuck in this moment. I had a lot I wanted to say and express to him but yet a force was keeping my mouth from articulating it.

Nathaniel- "I-"

Ji-Hoon-"Come lets go."

Nathaniel- "No."

Ji-Hoon-"I'm not asking, let's go."

Nathaniel-"No. I'm not asking either I'm telling you no."

Ji-Hoon-"Get you're fucking shoes on and lets go!"

I just stood there stunned as fuck. He had never raised his voice like this to me, ever. So I knew this was serious and I knew he was full of emotions, like how I was. So I did what the wife deep deep down in this independent bad bitch exterior would do. Put my shoes on and get in his uber.

The drive was dead silent, we both just looked out the window. He ended up bringing me to a quite empty park at 10pm at night. I had always expressed to him how much I loved night vibes and craved someone to share them with. Explore, reflection, deep conversations, and of course snacks. We sat on far ends of the bench.

Ji-Hoon- "Nat...what the fuck is wrong with you?"

Nathaniel-"Huh, me? What is wrong with you?"

I could hear his voice shaking, I've never really seen a man (manly man type) be/shown there emotional side like this in front of me before. My heart was aching!

Ji-Hoon-"That time in Seoul, you up and left. I didn't hear a word from you after you got back to America."

I just sat there silent.

Ji-Hoon-"Fuck!"

As he sat there quickly wiping the few tears falling down his face. I was shocked, I have never had a man ever do/act like this...because of me. I was so timid because the male experience left me with so much baggage & damage that I didn't realize that I was moving very funny. I guess I thought in the back of mind that he would move onto a Korean girl. I mean what was so special about me? I have sooooo many flaws, I pick myself apart every time I see someone with a similar demographic as me I instantly compare myself. Why did this fine model looking Korean man want me?

Nathaniel-"Ji-Hoon...."

I took a deep shaky breath as he look at the floor.

Nathaniel-"Why did you come here?"

I will never forget the way he looked at me after saying this. It's like his whole entire face went numb, dead even. All expressions escaped from him. I knew I couldn't take back what I said after this. I broke his heart...