Dear First Love,
I'm sorry I didn't realize I was in love with you until it was far too late.
Years after you moved away.
Years after we last spoke.
Years since I've seen you.
I'm sorry I wasted so much time. I just didn't know yet. I thought you were just my best friend. I thought I was losing you to new friends.
I didn't know I was in love with you.
I was only 10.
I'm sorry I didn't realize in middle school when I was so nervous to be around you again... when my heart felt warm and my soul felt safe, I'm sorry I didn't explain it to you right.
It was only middle school, but I've never felt the same.
Dear First Love,
You were my soul mate, and I let you slip through my fingers. I won't reach out to you now because I think you're finally happy in a real way. Happier than I ever made you because I needed you too much and didn't understand. I won't reach out because I'm afraid you wouldn't love me back like you did when I couldn't see it.
I'll gently cry in the middle of the night a few times a year, reminiscing on how true and pure and whole your love felt. Not because I'm sad or have never felt that kind of love again, but because I am so grateful to have been able to be loved by you even if I missed my chance.
I really do hope you're better and genuinely happy now, S.Z.L.
Even if it means you had to forget me completely. Please know, in some lost corner of your subconscious, that I could never forget you.
Love Forever,
Nicole
P.S. I will forever regret not kissing you and telling you how beautiful I thought you were. You are still the most intoxicating and enchanting individual I will ever know.
