This is dedicated to Sydney Zoe Levijoki. My best friend that I could never deserve to have. I love you. Forever and always.
July 31, 2013
I've just been thinking about all the pain.
And it hurts to know that I can't just break into your room and comfort you. I've always wanted to do this but never got the chance and now I never will.
It hurts to know I could never fill the whole that Alix left.
It hurts to know how worthless I truly am.
It hurts just knowing I am a stupid piece of SHIT that can't do anything but be this weakling.
It hurts to know that I just abandoned you in fourth grade. How could I do that? How could I be so stupid and selfish?! WHY AM I SUCH A FUCKING IDIOT!? I'm to cowardly to even make sure you see this, Sydney.
I hope you know I love you and I hope you're feeling a lot better than me.
I hope you find someone worth your time.
Someone a lot better than me.
I'm sorry I'm such a let down. I'm sorry I'm such a bitchy piece of shit. I'm sorry and can't fix you. I'm sorry I've been leaning on you. I'm sorry you're broken. I'm sorry you met me. You would probably be a lot happier with out the memories of me.
I can't say any more, I'm sorry.
Never forget that I love you. You're the best friend I could ever have.
"Brother please don't be afraid of me. I know you're tortured within and your eyes look hungry again.'
