September 6, 2018
I think it's cute to look back at the way my adolescent mind worked. It's cute how I got angry so often for pretty stupid things...
I'm in college now. I'm not sure what possessed me to come back here, to my old stories and my old loves. I can't really call them old... I'm still in love with Sydney and Jayyson. I still haven't heard from her. It's okay though because I think she's actually doing great.
I'm not doing great. I've been mini-journalling on a private Instagram account and in a notebook. I tried to make my mental health into art, but it's not very pretty and utterly lacks technique. I still cut, but it's only a few times each month. A lot has happened since middle school.
I have real panic attacks now. Real existential crises. Real depression. Over the years I've been doing some research on and off... I really think I'm bipolar. I just don't know how to get help or how to bring myself to work on it. I scheduled a counseling appointment on the 18th because I had to walk out of class yesterday. I had a panic attack I couldn't get over.
Oh well.
