An Extra Tribute

-some personal progress-

Over the next few weeks, we end up trying to hijack him back, but with kinder methods than first suggested by President Coin. We don't try to get him to believe in the cause, we only show him clips of times him and Katniss had together that proves that she's not a mutt. Then, as suggested by Prim, we give him morphling, a calming drug to try to undo the damage all the pain has caused. Before, we just tried to talk him through it, but since that was not working I gave into Prim's idea. Even Dad was trying to convince me that it would be okay by the end of it, because I hated the idea of brainwashing him again. But, if it's the only way to get the Peeta I know and love back to me, I'm somewhat willing to do it.

I'm in there with him every time it happens and I check the amount of morphling they put into his bloodstream. I have Prim check for me that it's actually morphling and to guarantee it, I take some too. They don't want to poison me, so if I take it, it has to be morphling. Right? It's cleared with my doctor as well because I've been getting pounding headaches lately due to lack of sleep. But, I'll do whatever it takes to help him. Me taking a bit of the morphling also calms Peeta some for him to let them stick a needle in his arm after watching the videos. It's not a pretty process, because he's still very against it, but they get it in there.

I still slept in the corner for the first week, but eventually he asked me to, and I quote, "hold him". I happily did so until he fell asleep and even after. But, I never slept. There was too much on my mind. Most of the time, he felt better just cradling me, which I was fine with. With his arms wrapped protectively around my torso and my head buried in his chest, it felt almost like things were normal. Memories of what I've deemed 'the good old days' come back every time I'm in his arms. Us talking comfortably about our pasts, sleeping soundly in each others' embraces, telling the other that we love them. Though, I have to admit, it's sad that the Hunger Games are the good old days for me.

Tonight, we are watching the clip where Katniss freaks out after Peeta was hit by the force field... again. He's seen the clip seven times, but he still argues with it. Every time that the doctors come in, every time they ask him questions he says that she did it to convince the people that she was in love with him. I just sit on the floor on the side of the room. Once he's said his piece, he doesn't say another thing to the Recovery Team. He just lays back and stares at the ceiling as they pepper him with more inquiries. In the beginning, he was furious and had a mental meltdown that resulted in him ripping at the restraints and screaming. Then, I would stand up and take about a half hour to calm him down. At first, I was scared to tell him that what he was saying was incorrect because I was worried that it would sever my relationship with him and I couldn't lose him. But, soon I realized that if I don't tell him wrong, he'll never believe us. So, after about a week, I started explaining that Katniss is a good person and that his thoughts about her are purely due to the Capitol poisoning. Sure, he would deny this, but he's started to actually accept that Snow destroyed part of him. And he's started to somewhat try to get it back, though he's still extremely stubborn with it.

But, more recently he's started to just become annoyed with the entire process. He's still mildly hostile, and sometimes has a whole meltdown, but he's begun to just ignore everything the doctors do or ask. But, when they leave, his hostile defense melts away and he just sits in confusion. I stay in my place by the wall, not saying anything, just being there to be some form of emotional support. And he spends hours before bed just thinking over everything. I don't ask him what he's thinking about, not yet. He needs to think through it himself. I can't tamper with that.

And he does the same thing tonight. I sit with my feet flat on the floor and my elbows resting on my knees. My hands usually just hover around the sides of my head as I try not to look up at the screen, but watch Peeta's reaction diligently. It's a position I take frequently as we watch quite a few clips a day. I don't really care to watch them because most of them include a piece with them kissing, so I just stay in the room to bring some comfort to him and to see for myself the interrogations. He looks bored as usual. But as the clip ends and four doctors come in, his features turn belligerent and he gives the people in white coats a dirty look as they begin to ask the same questions they normally do.