So Close Yet So Far (ON HOLD)

Prologue

I put down the tea cup that I am holding. I'm in my condo, I'm staying here for a while because I need my own space to think. Kailangan manatili muna ako dito upang makapag-isip ng maayus because every corner of our house reminds me of him.

I surveyed my place, I had this renovated 5 months ago but I wasn't able to appreciate the new design because I didn't have time to check it. Only now that I realized that I picked the right person to do the job.

The interior designer whom I hired sent me the pictures of the finished product after they finished the renovation. I didn't have much to say because I liked it in the images that she sent to me.

But now that I am seeing it in person, I could never be more satisfied than I am right now with the new design. The color combination is great, I choose a classic design and then I  let my interior designer choose the suitable style that she thinks suits my place. I pour all of my trust on her and clearly she didn't fail me.

The dominant color of my place is now light brown but the walls are white. Compare to before, when I was young and so girly.

Back then the dominant color was Chateau rose, I still love that color but I have matured now and I should match my place with my new nature and so far I'm loving the place it's very soothing.

Tumayo ako sa pag kakaupo sa sofa upang mag ikot sa condo.

I haven't check my room because as soon as I got here, I fell asleep in my sofa. I was so tired that I didn't even manage to go to my room to rest.

I decided to roam around to appreciate the new design, As I was looking around the place, I felt the cold breeze of the air-conditioner because it is still in its full blast. When I arrived, I set it to full blast para mabilis na lumamig ang condo.

I unconsciously crossed my hands below my chest to somehow lessen the coldness that I am feeling.

I felt a cold metal touched my shoulder, my eyes landed on my shoulder to see what's the cold thing that touched my bare skin.

I saw my wedding ring and my engagement ring. I pulled my hands out to properly look at my fingers. I never removed them even when I am taking a shower.

I played with my wedding ring by turning it around my ring finger, These rings holds so many memories. I've always worn them both together and it has been a part of me.

I've been married for two years.

I've worn both of these rings for over two years now.

I've worked hard for this marriage to last long. So does my husband.

We tried.

We tried to make it work but maybe its just not for us.

We weren't supposed to be married in the first place.

We are not married because we are in love. We got married for convenience.

We never wanted this, but we promise to make it work.

He promised to try. I promised to trust him.

But it's not working anymore.

I have seen through him that he is indeed trying. I know because I've witnessed it first hand.

He is a good companion, which made me fall for him. He treats me well and he never, not even once hurt me physically.

He is a gentleman, he has everything. Who wouldn't like that kind of person much more for a husband.

I always choose to stay by his side. That's the least thing that I could do for treating me so well. I made sure to make him feel how much I want him to be happy for our marriage.

I prioritize him more than myself, I've given him all.

I tried making him happy but I just don't have the might to make him feel the love that I want him to feel. Because in the first place he longed for someone else's love.

I'm not the one who can make him happy.

Before even meeting me, he has someone. Someone whom he truly loved and still do.

I tried making him forget, I tried to divert his attention to me because I wanted to but no one could succeed if the other choose not too.

He is there but I can't reach him. It's too far for me to reach.

I looked at the sofa when I heard my phone ring. I left it there when I fell asleep.

I didn't even notice that I removed my rings. I was too drown deep into my thoughts that I even took off my wedding ring unconsciously.

I got back to my senses and put my wedding ring back to my ring finger, as I went to the sofa to answer the call.

Nahimigan ko ang panandaliang lungkot nang makita ko ang pangalan nito sa aking cellphone.

"Hello" Bungad ko sa tawag

"Hey" said by a serious, deep and manly voice.

The voice that I wanted to hear every time I wake up.

"Priscilla Innana?" I smiled as I heard him say my name. He always call me by my first and second name, seems like he can't decide which one to call me.

"Hmm?" I responded.

"Don't wait up. I got somewhere important to go to" He said.

"Ok." I cheerfully said even though I am eager to know what he is really up to but then again I have an idea of where he'll go but I don't want to hear it just yet.

"Good night, sleep early" He said

"Take care" I dismissed as I drop the call.

I thought at first that we could make things work, we did at first but things have taken a big turn. He has become avoidant we barely see each other now.

But he still remain formal, He sometimes check on me and sometimes updates me with his whereabouts to stop me from worrying.

But I know he only does that because he thinks it is his responsibility because we are married and he promised.

I think I know what his up to tonight, I only hoped I wasn't right. I smiled painfully, I don't know how much longer I can take this.

I've been holding on but I don't know how much longer. I tried to show him that I am not affected that I don't know a thing but it's not easy to hide my pain anymore.

I know I am not the only one who is in pain because he is too. I know he wants to be happy and I feel like I am holding him back from being happy.

Gusto ko siyang maging masaya, kahit masakit gusto ko siyang maging masaya pero hindi ko siya magawang bitawan.

I feel like I'm the only one who's stopping him from being happy. Pinanghahawakan niya ang mga pangakong binitawan niya.

The only reason his still with me is because he's a man of his words, Dale Hugo Lardizabal is an honorable man. he wouldn't do anything to ruin his honor and virtue.

I felt something warm fell down on my cheeks. I wiped it off.

I had enough with this tears.

Maybe I should let him go. He deserves it, He deserves to be happy. I owe him that.

Alam kong hindi ako ang gusto niyang makasama sa pagtanda.

Maybe it's true that first love never dies because I've had two years to change his heart but I failed.

Too bad on my end because he is my first love.

Pareho lang kami nasasaktan sa relasyon namin.

Sometimes letting go is the best choice. It'll free you.

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Disclaimer : This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

Author's Note

This story has not been edited so expect grammatical errors and misspelled words.