Just The Way It Is - Sequel to That's Ma Name (Edited)

Chapter 16

"Rowan, we need to talk about this," Jessie informed me when I had returned with our 45th coffee of the day. Okay I'm exaggerating. It was only like our 5th. But she was right. We did have to talk about things. I guess I was the one putting them off.

"Okay, I take it you've warmed to the idea?" I asked Jessie looking into her eyes.

"I don't know what I want. But I'm sick of sitting in this bed," she replied.

It was arranged on the day of her operation that this would have been sorted out after Jessie got some sleep but she had caught an infection, which prevented me from visiting for three days, resulting in another operation to take some more of the damaged tissue out of her system and another few days with no visitation. And now 2 weeks after the initial operation and a week after operation number 2 she was starting to get agitated, annoyed and angry at herself, me and the situation we were in.

"Have you even told your mum yet?" Jessie questioned.

"No, I'm not going to until we know what we want to do," I informed her.

"Which is what?" Jessie asked, not just me but herself too.

"I mean, ultimately it's up to you," I sighed.

That's how I truly felt. I would follow suit no matter how Jessie wanted to move forward. I knew it was a difficult decision to make but I understood that it had to be made sooner rather than later.

"Tell me how you feel about it?" Jessie asked.

"I've told you many times, Jess."

"Just tell me again," Jessica pleaded, like hearing the same words would help her with her own thinking process.

"I've told you babe. I've grown to the idea now I've had over two weeks to get used to it, I think it would be nice to have her, someone to look after, a part of us. But I also know that it is a huge, huge, commitment which will affect both of us greatly. We'll need to change everything, but if we aren't ready I think it's unfair to do that to such a fragile little baby if we can't give her what she needs," I sighed, stroking the back of Jessie's hand with my thumb.

We both remained silent for quite a while.

"Rowan?" Jessie asked.

"Yes?" I responded.

Jessie approached what he said next very carefully. "Do you think your-, I-, we are ready to maybe go see her?"

I thought about that for a minute. Was that even allowed? Of course it was allowed. We were her parents. I reminded myself about what my mission was here. To make sure Jessie is okay.

"And you're okay?" I asked her.

"Yeah, you can wheel me in the wheel chair," she informed me.

"Again, you know that's not what I mean," I told Jessie.

"Yeah, I'm okay. I want to do it, if you want to?" Jessie phrased the last sentence like a question.

"Of course I do," I smiled. It was a little forced but I knew that it was just because I was nervous about this whole thing. Nervous? I was petrified.

"Good, because this room is driving me insane," she smirked.

If the truth be told I think Jessie was looking forward to this more than she let on to be. Or maybe she didn't know she wanted it. We approached the main desk and a doctor informed us he would direct us to the NICU. We had to stop at the reception here to be informed about safety regulations and we were helped into hospital slacks, hairnets and masks. We were then taken into a consultation room to be informed of the medical problems.

"So your little bundle of joy is actually progressing very well especially for being so premature. She is only weighing in at 3lbs 6oz which is slightly worrying but she has began to take to the oral tube for food and she isn't replying on the direct stomach tube. Amazingly all of her internal organs had developed enough while she was inside Jessica's Fallopian tube, well enough to stay stable but she is continuing to develop. Right now her right lung is giving us a few problems but it's important to remember that she is stable," the doctor informed us.

He opened the door to one of the wards were there were six incubators, three on each side. Right away it was evident that the one at the very bottom was ours. It looked so out of place due to the lack of balloons, teddies and gifts. It was so bare.

"Although she's been here for 13 days she's still hooked up to everything so her body is covered in wires, don't let that get to you because the more she develops the more we can remove. She's also very small," the doctor informed is once more.

We finally reached the incubator. The first thing I noticed was her light blonde hair. She was the cutest, tiniest little thing I had ever seen. She resembled Jessie so much, especially her little button nose.

"Can I touch her?" Jessie asked the doctor who was still present.

"You're not supposed to but I'm sure one little touch won't do any harm," he smiled.

Jessie slowly reached her hand through the hole in the incubator. She carefully rested her pointer finger in the baby's small left hand. Her tiny little fingers closed around Jessie's giant one in conclusion. That's how I knew. I wanted this little girl in my life. I wanted to protect her from everything out there in that big bad world. She was a miracle and I loved her, I just hoped that Jessie made the decision that my heart longed for.