Just The Way It Is - Sequel to That's Ma Name (Edited)

Chapter 1

Her lips attached to my face as her hands roamed my body before she tugged at my shirt. I grunted in total frustration. She tried to peel my top off. Did I really want to take it off? Rowan Jones turning down sex? Especially here in the big city. The city that never sleeps. I didn't think I'd ever see the day. I just wasn't in the mood. I was never in the mood anymore. I would be geared for it and probably a little bit sweaty by now if it were a different set if hands. I pretended it was her. Touching me. I pretended it was her just breathing in my ear and pulling my shirt off. And I believed it so hard she she got it off.

"Don't resist baby." The nameless blonde said.

Who was this anyways? It was like the fifth time this week I had tried to bring someone home. When I say tried I mean she wasn't through the door ten minutes before she was out it again. When I say someone, I meant literally anyone just to numb the hole in my heart. And when I say home I mean the cold, unpersonalised hotel room I had been staying in for the last 5 months while I'd been working here in New York. I guess now that I didn't have work to endorse myself in I had more time to think. To think about what I left behind. About how much I still hurt. Not for the same reason I left. Just because I missed Jessie.

"No, I can't. I'm sorry," I sighed sitting up and untangling the little bit of our bodies which were connected.

I could help but remember how this was so much different with her. It was easy with Jess. I didn't have to think it just happened. It was quite comical actually.

"Well your no fun," the blonde grunted. Did she even tell me her name? Oh well. It was irrelevant anyways.

"I've lost my touch," I sighed, relishing in the though of simplicity. I got up and pulled my top back over my head and headed for the shower. "You can see yourself out, yeah?" I asked.

The woman grunted while gathering her belongings before leaving and slamming the door shut.

I had a quick shower before I returned to bed. It was only 11 o'clock. Of course it was much later back in the UK. I wonder what everyone was up to. I thought about my mum. Someone who I haven't talked to in a long while, even though she continued to text and call me. Only I never responded. Just then my phone buzzed.

'Hey Row, how are you keeping? I wish you didn't take your stubbornness after your father because then perhaps you'd actually reply sometime. Jessie came over the other week and called today. She still misses you. We all do. Especially the little one, Lexi keeps asking about you. Hope to hear from you soon. Mum. X'

"Speak of the devil," I sighed.

I read the message a few times just like I always do. This time a single tear escaped my eye.

Why was I doing this to my self? What was I gaining through this? I left because I couldn't stand to see Jessie hurting by me grieving. But although it still hurts to know he's gone I've accepted it now. Why am I still torturing the ones I love by keeping myself from them?

'Hey mum. I've missed you too. Throw some fresh sheets on my bed pls. I'm coming home. XX'.

I was certain I was doing the right thing. I had hurt enough. I had hurt my loved ones enough. It was time to go home. I looked at the sleeping pills beside my bed and put them in the beside cabinet because for the first time in over half a year I went to sleep with a little bit of hope.