Love On Tour

London / Don't you give up on yourself.

Avalanna Carlson

I had a dream last night, it was scary yet very real. It felt real to me. Christmas was a week ago, I had a really great one with Harry, Anne and Gemma.

But I still couldn't stop thinking about this dream. I woke up a while ago. I left Manchester two days ago to go to London. Harry stayed with Anne and Gemma. He wanted to join me here but I told him to stay behind, he needed to.

"Have you told him yet?" Lambert asked me, and I met up with him for lunch. I had to talk to someone about what's been going through my mind lately. I wanted it to be a phase, I really did. But as time passed it scared me more and more because as days went by it just became more and more real to me.

"No" I said, "truth is.. I don't want to break him" I said. "He doesn't deserve it, he deserves the best," I said. "And are you sure leaving him is the best? You two are literally soulmates Ava" Lambert told me. "I know he's my soulmate," I nodded, "but if we're soulmates, it doesn't matter," I said. "I need time, I need to grow, I need to reflect, and I know I can do it with him but he.." I stopped. "I believe he needs a little more life experience, so do I, we could do it together but the outcome will be so different" I told him.

He nodded, "so it's a break" he said, "if he takes it well" I nodded. "He will," Lambert told me, "how do you know?" I asked him. "Because Ava," Lambert smiled, "he's bloody in love with you, you're Harry's person, you're the only one he can't stop talking about" he smiled.

I walked into Harry's kitchen to see him for the first time since I left manchester. He looked up from his phone, "hi" I said. "Hey baby" he told me, he walked over and pulled me into a hug.

"You texted me, said you wanted to talk?" he asked me in our hug. "Yeah" I nodded in our hug, "we do Harry," I said to him. He pulled away, "let's go sit down" he told me.

We sat down on the couch, "so" I said. "What I'm about to say is going to make you sad," I said. He looked at me with a serious look on his face. "Is something wrong?" he asked me. I shook my head. "I just.." I stopped, I couldn't do this. I couldn't do this to him.

I looked away with teary eyes, "hey.." Harry said. "What's wrong?" he asked me, "you can tell me Ava, whatever it is, you can talk to me about it" he said. I looked over.

"Ava.." he whispered, he saw me.

"I'm going to leave Harry" I said, there it was. "I'm going to go back to the states," I said. "There's more," he whispered and I nodded. "I'm breaking up with you" I said, it felt like I stopped breathing the second I let it out of me.

"Ava" he said, "you don't have to go Ava, we can-" "Harry.." I said. "I need some time, you didn't do anything wrong, I did not do anything, I just.. I need to figure a few things out on my own" I said. "And to have you sitting and waiting for me... I'm giving you the option to be free because I know how hard it can be to sit and wait around, I don't want to put you in that position" I told him.

"So much is happening in our lives Harry, you're coming out with an album, you're talking about doing movies.." I smiled. I was really proud of him. He took my hand and kissed it, "and as much as I hate to do this, I think we need this, if we someday... End up back here together it will be so much better" I said. "I need to find myself before I let someone in completely," I said.