Drown in your love (Mafia story) (Book 1)

Chapter 21: Letter To A Lover

"Make peace with your broken pieces"

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I jolted awake, sweat trailing down my face as I panted heavily. The nightmare of the day when I was attacked at the alley way sending goosebumps all over my body, terrifying me.

I rubbed my face with my palms, wiping away the sweat that was trickling down my face and tucking a piece of hair behind me ears. My eyes looked towards the window at the crimson blue sky, I knew I would not be able to fall back asleep.

Getting off the bed I made my way to the bathroom, throwing water on my face as i exhaled a breath loudly. My eyes stared into the reflection of myself, the light dark circles forming under my eyes. I jumped startled when the toothpaste on the sink fell to the floor, I crouched down picking it up before grabbing my brush and brushing my teeth.

I opened the shower door, stripping my clothes until I was naked. I stood under the hot water as I let the tears fall down my cheeks, a low sob escaping my parted lips as the memories reform in my head. It had been two days since that incident and I did not attend university, I did not feel safe. For some reason being in the mansion near Damien made me feel safe and secure.

After cleaning my self, I wrapped my body in a towel. I bit my lower lips as the thought of Damien crossed my mind. Just that very moment there was a knock on the door, clutching on to my towel tightly I approached my bedroom door and opened it.

I narrowed my eyes to see Damien dressed in a three piece tuxedo, his hair done neatly and looking amazing. He looked very where but at me as if he was avoiding me which he had been doing since the day the incident had happened.

"Can I help you?" I asked with my eyebrows arched, the silence was getting to me. It was the very moment his eyes settled on me, his eyes took in my towel and lowering down before bringing them back up to look at me. I could see his grey orbs darkening in lust but he cleared his throat straightening his posture.

"I have assigned you guards to go with you to your campus." He said before turning around and leaving, he did not even give me time to argue. I did not want to go into campus, I just wanted to curl up into my blanket and stay there.

"Stupid idiot." I muttered angrily, slamming the door shut as I huffed marching to my wardrobe and grabbed my outfit for the day. I combed my hair and dried it before throwing it into a neat bun. I turned around trying to find my phone which I had not bothered touching since the day of the incident.

"Where is it." I muttered to myself, as i crouched down to my knee level looking under the bed to find my phone but did not find it. Instead a white paper laid in the middle of the floor under my bed. Curiosity got the best of me as I reached under and grabbed the paper before sitting leaning against my bed.

Unfolding the paper my eyes scanned the paper which seemed to be a letter, the hand writing seemed far to familiar but I could not pin point whos it was.

Dear Love,

I do not know if this letter would ever reach you, but I know your anger towards me is justified. My reaction to the news was far to different than you had thought, but I am far to young. And pregnant. My parents have stopped communicating with me, I have nothing left but you. I can not live another day knowing I am forcing myself to be happy keeping this fetes inside of me but I am not. You are so over joyed of becoming a father that I can not bare to tell you how disturbed I have become after finding out the news.

I don't want to live anymore-

"I don't want to live anymore, Kelsey."

"I don't want to live anymore, Kelsey."

I throw the paper to the ground covering my ears as the words she had said four years ago entered my head, I could hear the pain in her voice as she had spoken to me. I clutched my hair tightly into a fist shaking my head removing her words from my head.

I stood up, my hands shaking as I sat on my bed grabbing the glass of water with my shaking hand as I brought it to my lips. My eyes darted to the floor, where the paper laid debating if I should continue to read it. I got off the bed picking up the paper before crawling up my bed as I crossed my leg and began to read it.

I don't want to live anymore, but I can not bare to imagine living without you. I love you so much, to the moon and beyond. Your love is what I have craved and you have never failed to show me and I believe if you find out how miserable I am then it would tear you apart. I am selfish, but I can not change my mind and believe me I have tried, every living moment I have attempted to love something that has not even entered this world. But I can not make myself, I just want it gone. Wishing it never came in between us. Wondering how life would be if this thing did not ruin everything. We were so happy, in love. But I have become a shell in my body, not wanting something you so dearly desire.

I do not know if I would ever have the courage for you to read this, but I am writing to you my love. Something I will never be able to tell you verbally. So here I am writing my heart out to you.

I am sorry....