Red lights

Skin to skin

"are you going to confess or what?"
his words ring in my head like a cricket ball thumping against my brain.
am i going to what now?
i think i'm going to piss myself that's what.
"hmm?" Hyunjin lets go of his grip on my jaw, he takes his fingers down to my chin, brushing his fingertips on my skin, he suddenly pulls my chin closer to his face, forcing me to look up at him. i gasped for air, is there an oxygen shortage going on or what?
"you sly fox" he says while smirking.
i gulp for more air.
he let's go of my chin and moves his body away from mine, i couldn't help but wrap my arms around myself, feeling naked and cold without the warmth of his body against me.
the thought of his body and being naked made me forget about reality completely.
oh shit.
I shake my head "Listen Hyunjin..." i begin to say, my deep voice betraying me and it comes out as a whine, tears starting to form in my eyes.
"Do you really plan on risking your career Felix?!"
Hyunjin cuts me off by slamming his hand next to my face again, i can't help but squirm into defeat.
"Hyunjin...i....i...j..just..." i stutter as i watch him scrape both his hands on the wall beside me, lowering himself on my body and dropping on his knees with ease, at this point i forced myself to look up, still feeling his sharp gaze on me, i resist all temptations.
"Hyunjin...wh...what are you doing..." my eyes are closed at this point, i hear slight rustling....god am i dreaming?
i suddenly feel his breath on my cheek, resisting the urge to open my eyes, i squirm into the wall, hoping for it to take me in.
"Look at me." he says, breathless.
i quickly thought of all the worst case scenarios that could happen, i might open my eyes to him holding my old diary, which contains very descriptive details of how much i was in love with him or holding a knife to my throat or him fully naked...i obviously choose the latter.
i slightly open my eyes to see him holding the empty soju bottle that i drank earlier.
"were you going to tell me about this?" he holds the bottle up to my face.

Jesus christ.

Hyunjin

I hold up the bottle to his face, almost breaking it to pieces, does he think this job is a joke?
why are you so mad? a voice in my head says. well how can i not be mad? drinking while working can get him kicked out! Lee know has done it before...why cant Felix?
okay where is this voice even coming from.
Felix is looking at me in distraught, but why can i also see relief in the hinders of his eyes.
"Hyunjin i..." he begins but he's cut off by the sound of the door opening, i turn around still holding the soju bottle in my hand as if i just got arrested.
Makeup artist: *chuckles* "i see you've found my soju stash"
right as she finished her sentence, i watch Felix stomp out of the room.

Felix

who does he think he is? Now that i saw how scared he is of anyone losing their career, i know that that note was complete bullshit, it was probably not even his. but you know it was...SHUT UP.
I get off my bed and walk over to the dresser, i open my jewelry box to find the blue note inside.
"god why is it still there" i muffle to myself. I read it again, my fingers trace the wrinkled lines, trying to straighten it as much as i can...but i cant.
without even realizing it a tear falls into the paper, smearing the word free. How ironic. i crumble up the paper and toss it on the wall with all my strength. whatever i do i can't be free of him, he follows me everywhere i go, there's nothing in this world that doesn't make me think of him, whenever something happens, he is the first person i go to, he is the first person to know everything firsthand, no filters, no constructed reactions, he knows me.
and yet, he doesn't want me.
i guess the reason why I'm crying is because a part of me wanted this to be true, a part of me wanted him to come running to me to apologize for taking so long, to hug me and say that he's always wanted me, to kiss me and promise to not kiss anyone's lips but mine.
but that part of me is gone, crushed by Hyunjin and his actions and now
i can finally move on.