Red lights

devil

Hyunjin

my eyes are shut, if i move an inch of my body, it will crumble down, i feel a pit in my stomach that no one has made me feel before, no one but him.
"g-guys can you just go. please. we'll explain everything later-" i hear felix plead, shifting off of the floor.
"there's nothing to explain." i cut felix off as i step out of the closet. i sense felix's body hunch.
"w-we didnt see anything guys...i-i'm sorry..." bang chan rubs his head as he apologizes, he grabs lee know's arm and heads for the door, lee know's mouth still gaping open.
i wait to hear their footsteps fade. "how long have you had the note for." i clench my fists, i look down to the floor, i cant look into his eyes right now.
"hyunjin i-"
"-you know what. just like i said. there's nothing to explain, this-" i choke up, feeling my tears begin to fall, i turn around to fight them back but there's no use, i look at him "...am i a joke to you felix? is this why you kept the note? is this why you lead me on?-" my voice gets louder as my tears start to rush down "-is this why you are so persistent on hiding me?" my voice cracks. "hyunjin no-" felix cries out, he comes closer, holding his arms up, my instant reaction is to flinch and cover myself with my cardigan, i look at him, his eyes are bloodshot red, hope draining with his tears, "hyunjin my feelings...th- they're real-" i grab my bag and try to walk out but he grabs my arm in a swift"-hyunjin they're real and they're going to stay." he looks into my eyes as if he has nothing to lose "they always stayed. no matter how much i tried....hyunjin-" he turns away, wiping his tears away only for his eyes to soften again when he looks at me "i w-w....i want to be yours, hyunjin." he sighs out, his tears drip on his white shirt "i've-" his lips quiver and my heart suddenly aches "i've always wanted to be." he mutters. my heart feels heavy, stayed? no matter how much he tried? always wanted to be? i pull my arm away from his grip and walk through the hallway, he chases after me "hyunjin please...j-just listen-" he cries out. "-no felix" i stop midway, i look back "if your feelings were true, you wouldn't be so ashamed of me, you wouldn't-" i realize that my pointer is close enough to poke his eye, but he doesn't blink once, he is looking intently at me, listening to my every word, taking everything i am saying in, i run out of breath just by looking at them, he tightens the space between us and carefully places his hands on my cheek, i feel tears escaping my eyes, his hands shake as my cheeks quiver, "d- dont do this hyunjin, please-" i grab his wrists and remove his hands from my face, "-will you tell the members about us" i ask him, looking into his eyes as i wait for his reply, my fists clench tighter every second, "i- hyunjin...you know-" he stutters, unable to maintain eye contact with me. "wrong answer felix" i say and start heading for the door, "hyunjin...HYUNJIN WAIT-" felix cries out as he follows me, he tries to tug on my cardigan but i dont stop for a second, i dont know what would happen to me if i look back. i grab the door handle and close the door behind me, i run to the stairs, i look back one last before i take my first step, i intently listen, trying to hear if his footsteps are near, but all i can hear are his distant cries from his apartment. i start running down the stairs.

Felix

My whole body is numb. it feels like my heart was ripped out of my chest. i'm sitting on the floor, admiring the sun rising, i wasn't able to sleep, my bed still smells like him. i cant sleep knowing that i've ruined the best thing that's happened to me, my knuckles are bleeding from how hard i punched my walls but i can't seem to care, all i want is for him to text me, to tell me he still trusts me, to tell me that he still wants to try. i open my second pack of cigarettes and shakingly light one, i will fix this. i'd flip the world upside down for him, and that's what i'm going to do.