Red lights

tender

Hyunjin

"w-what are you doing here-" felix gets up from his chair, he notices my hand and comes up closer "-your hand...is it bad again?-" he stops himself from grabbing it midway, as if something is holding him back. "what's going to get worse felix?" i sigh out, "uh...i'm going to leave, take care felix yeah?" felix nods his way as chan leaves. he rubs his temples, "let's go to my car, i'll drop you home."

we reach under my building after a silent ride, i look at felix, he starts rubbing his face with his hands, i reach out my hand to caress his injured knuckles, "just come upstairs felix." i cry out. he removes my hand from his, "hyunjin i cant-" he begins, i turn my body his way "-i'll understand felix, whatever it is, you know i will-" i argue, "-i- we....can't-" he interrupts again, whining. "-j- just talk to me felix-" i try to hold his hand again but he flinches it away "-we can't be together anymore hyunjin." he looks into my eyes, tears begin to swell up in his. i feel the colors in my face wash away, "w-what?" i scoff in denial, i'm going to throw up. "i realized that i care for my career too much to risk it..." he sighs out "i don't think we should keep doing... this... anymore." he looks down, fidgeting with the strings of his hoodie. "and you..." i groan after a few moments of silence "...you decide..." my hand starts forming into a fist "...you decide... to tell me this... after... i asked you to be my boyfriend? ....are you thickheaded enough to change your mind in a span of a few days?" i open my hand to find nail marks from my grip on my palm, "i'm sorry." he doesn't dare look me in the eyes, "HA! you're SORRY?! YOURE FUCKING SORRY?!" i sneer, running my fingers through my hair. i hear him sniffle as he turns his head to the window.  "felix..." i exhale "if you let me leave this car..." my voice begins to crack "...i'm never going to do this again." i wince as i feel my tears flow down my face. he doesn't doesn't turn around, "...say something felix...." i cry out "...please....anything felix..." although my eyes are blurry from my tears, i can see his shoulders shake, "...i know this isn't you...please just tell me what's going on..." i whine, wiping my tears with my sleeve. i hear a muffled cry from his direction, "just-" my crying becomes uncontrollable, "just turn around and tell me to kiss you..." i plead. "we'll forget about everything, we'll start over again felix please-" i suddenly hear my door lock unlock, it takes me a moment to realize what just happened "...i see....well...it was nice while it lasted..." i grab my things and open the door.

Felix

I speed through the empty streets, trying to get a grip on my flowing tears, i'm angry, sad and the heaviness of all my unsaid words is slowly taking a toll on me. I park in an empty alleyway, i begin to scream my lungs out, it hurts not being able to tell him what's going on, nothing hurts more than keeping the person you love the most in the dark. I punch my steering wheel, forgetting that i just got stitches done, i cry out in agony, for both the physical pain, and the crippling cramping of my heart for losing him. i look to my cup holder as i notice something shine, i look closer to find hyunjin's couple ring inside, i shakingly pick it up and put it in my pocket.
i hug my steering wheel as i cry out my remaining tears.
it was nice while it lasted.

I undo my tie and tie it again, today is an important day, we have a big performance at an award show but i can't seem to focus. "we're leaving in a bit...do you want some help?" lee know comes in, "i'm good." i act like i'm not struggling. i finally reach one of the cars waiting for us, i open the door to see changbin and I.N in the backseat, i look to the back to see, the one and only...hwang hyunjin. luck is not in my favor today.