it's me [muke af]

never be//5 seconds of summer

never be//5 seconds of summer

Michael held his journal in his lap as he flipped to a fresh new page. He sat on the couch next to Luke, Nick and Alex across from them. "Okay, so Ashton came back?" He asked. 

The three nodded as Mike wrote it down.

"He made fun of my cargo shorts," Nick said, a pout on his lips. 

Michael gave him a sorrowful look, "I'm sorry, Buddy. I don't know why he came back. I thought he was gone for good."

Luke looked over at his husband's profile. He could see the corner's of Michael's mouth twitching, he was lying. "You said when we had these family meetings, you wouldn't lie."

Michael's green eyes met Luke's blue ones. His dark eyelashes blink a few times and he can see them filling up with water. "I don't want the kids to know," Mike whispered, "They don't deserve this."

Luke placed his hand around Michael's shoulder, "They know this isn't normal. They're not five anymore, you don't need to pretend you're okay."

"I think I was stressed because they haven't been back in a while, and I worried they'd appear at any moment." Michael wasn't writing in his journal, he was just staring at the many lines. 

Luke grabbed the book and pen, writing down the words Mike spoke for him. 

"But, D—Dad," Alex stuttered as she called him that, "You've done this before. You freak yourself out, and then we all suffer."

"But it's not fair for just him to suffer," Nick reasoned. His legs were crossed underneath his body, he was in navy blue sweatpants and a matching sweatshirt. 

"I know I shouldn't drag you guys down with me, but I don't know how to control them."

"You could always you know, go back on your meds," Luke pointed out. His voice was a joking tone, but he was three hundred percent serious. 

"I didn't like them, and you know why."

Luke rested his head in his hand as he looked at Michael. His hair was pushed back in a headband. He was looking down at his pale arms, his hands going up and down the hairless skin. "Kids, you can go now. There's not much more."

Nick stood up first, going over to Michael and throwing his arms around his sloped shoulders. Mike buried his head in the crook of his son's neck, wrapping his own arms around Nick's waist. "I'm so sorry," he whispered to the fifteen year old. 

"It's okay, I love you."

Michael kissed Nick's forehead as they let go. Alex was already gone. 

Luke closed the notebook, throwing it on the ottoman in the center of their living room. "I think the safety of your kids is more important than the fact you can't get hard on your meds."

Michael laughed. His chuckle continued even after he saw Luke's upset face. "I'm sorry, it's just the way you said it."

Luke let a smile grow on his face as well, his shook his head as a breathy laugh left his lips. "I'm serious though, Mike. I can't control Calum, he scares me. I truly fear for the kids and I when he comes around."

Michael let out a sigh as he leant back on the couch. He kicked his feet up on the side of the couch. "We've tried so many different things, and they never work. One makes me suicidal, one makes me sexually repulsed, one makes me constantly angry. I don't know what to do."

Luke leant his head against Mike's shins, he closed his eyes and rolled his body into a ball. He really, really, really loved Michael, and he just wanted him there forever. 

(a/n) so every few weeks, they'll have family meetings. this is when they discuss what happened, it's kind of like a coping session.

double update later mAybe.