it's me [muke af]

glowing eyes//twenty one pilots

glowing eyes//twenty one pilots

It was one week after Thanksgiving and Michael and Luke were sitting in the waiting room of Dr. Daisy's office. Michael's leg was tapping quickly on the tile floor and Luke was ready to cut the limb off. 

The room was grey and dim, annoyed teenagers were sitting in uncomfortable chairs next to sleep-deprived parents. Michael felt mortified. 

Luke did indeed have to drag the six foot man by the ear into the car, then into the office. He was willing to drag him into the therapist chair if needed. 

Both of them looked up when Michael's name was called. Luke stood up first, flattening out his dark jeans and re-tucking the plain white tee shirt. He held out his hand, his watch jingling as it never fit his small wrist. "Come on, Babe."

Michael glared at him as he stood up. He didn't grab his lover's hand, just ushered past him and through the doors he knew so well. Luke trailed behind with Dr. Daisy. She was a middle-aged women with curly brown hair. She had a pleasant face and a perky voice. "How are you? You two haven't been to a session in a while, correct?"

"Yeah, he refused. He's been having weird transitions lately, and I don't know what to do about it," Luke responded. He held open the office door for the women, letting her go through the door before him.

Michael was already sitting on the tan couch, his arms crossed like a grumpy toddler. He looked up at Luke with heavy eyes as he sat next to him. 

"Good to see you two again," she started. They watched her spin around in her chair, grabbing Michael's file, then going back to her desk. "It's been about three months since our last talking, what's been happening?"

"It's still only Ashton and Calum coming back," Luke started, crossing his legs, "But, Calum rarely stays, while Ashton will stay for almost a week."

Michael put his head down. He was embarrassed of himself, he knew he couldn't help it, but that didn't make him feel any better. 

"Ashton has always been the more dominant one in that way, correct?"

Luke shook his head, "That's more Calum. We're all kind of walking on egg shells when Calum comes around. He hasn't been here when the kids are around, which is good."

Dr. Daisy nodded her head, the dark blue pen in her hand was moving fast on the yellow notebook. "Michael, do you have any memory of any of these events?"

"No. I black out."

"I've actually started to see the transitions, that's how quick some of them are," Luke added.

"You said Calum is only around you, right?" She looked up at Luke, her blue eyes flickering between him and old notes. 

He nodded. 

"Michael, do you still feel like you don't deserve Luke?"

He looked up at his psychologist, "I told you that in private."

"We are in private."

Michael looked at Luke, his own light blue eyes filled with worry. "Do you really feel like that?"

Mike shrugged, looking back at his hands. 

"I think I've shot this theory before, but maybe Calum only comes around when you're feeling insecure about Luke's love for you." She placed her hands together, looking at the couple, waiting for one of them to talk. 

Luke's head was filling with millions of thoughts, "The first time Calum came around was with me," he said. He closed his eyes, taking a gasp for air, "I made you create him." Luke felt like a monster.

Michael scooted closer to Luke, "That's not true. It's not your fault."

"Then why does he only come around when you're mad at me?" Luke asked, his tone sharp. 

Dr. Daisy joined in, "I think you too need to go back to the 'cupcake phase', take a vacation together, go out to dinner, just do something to remember why you're in love. I think that will get Calum to stay away."

"Can we talk about medication? I really want him back on them." 

Michael scooted back towards the other side of the couch, suddenly angry with his husband once again. "I don't want to be on them."

"Think of the kids," Luke tried his usual excuse. 

"You've literally been saying that for seventeen years," Michael shot back. He looked over at Luke, his face radiating boredom. 

Dr. Daisy spun in her chair once more, finding the usual pamphlet. "There are lots and lots of options."

"We've probably tried all of them," Michael responded. His voice was monotone as he leaned forward more, resting his face on his closed fist. 

"There are actually a lot more we can try! We should probably run some tests again to make sure nothing has changed." 

Luke listened intently as she explained the many choices they had while Michael was mentally shooting an arrow through both of their heads. He leaned back on the couch, the material squeaking underneath him. 

"When I'm on meds, I have no control," Michael interrupted, "At least when I'm unmedicated, I have control 1/3 of the time."

Luke shook his head, "We have to at least try, Mike."

Michael eyes seemed glassy as he told himself he wouldn't cry. No matter how weak he felt. 

(a/n) i'm a bit busy this weekend, so i'm not sure when i will have time to publish more chapters. i'm aiming for monday, but i'm really not sure :(

the story is starting to pick up now, so, like always, if you have any questions, feel free to message me. i'm always available to answer.

xo, soph