the last straw

oh

Avery POV
time: 7pm

Daddy, mommy, and George just told me that mommy was going to have a baby. i don't want another baby in the house. i like being the baby, and i let them know that.

"but why? we don't need more people in our family." i say.

"well, we didn't plan on having a baby right now, Avery. it just happened. sometimes that happens." Mommy says.

"oh okay." i say looking down.

silence.

"can i go now?" i say.

daddy sighs. "go ahead, sweetie."

"i was afraid she'd react like this" George says after i walk away.

i go to my room and lock the door. i don't want to be near anyone.

i'm angry. at everyone. Ty left me. Sierra left me without explaining to me what happened. Mommy, daddy, and George are trying to replace me with a new baby.

am i not good enough for anyone? why does nobody want me? why am i so bad?

hot tears stream down my face.

i go to sierra's bathroom, in her room, and find a new pack of razors and take it to my room.

i open it and just think about if this what i really want to do. the longer i sit there, the more mad i get. i decided to do it.

i cut my arm. 4 new, long, cuts. it stings, but it feels good. sierra would be disappointed.

but sisi isn't here, so who cares?

i have to hide this. i rinse the blood of the razor in the sink, and put it back in the container. i hide the container under my mattress.

for my arms, i run them under the water, but that stings too much. i have to dry the blood with a towel. the towel was black, so you can't see the blood, thankfully.

i'm still mad, VERY mad. i go over and sit on my bed with my fist balled up. i'm trying to break the skin on my hands, but my fingers aren't strong enough. i decide to dig my nails into my arms. no blood, but it does help with the frustration.

i breakdown crying, silently.

next thing i know, i'm on the floor crying in a ball. i want to die. i can't take this anymore.

after a few minutes, there's a knock on the door.

"hey, Avery, it's me, daddy. we need to talk. can you open up."

i dry my eyes, put on a jacket, and open the door.

daddy picks me up and sits me on the bed. he kneels down in front of me. i keep my head down. he doesn't need to know i was crying.

"how you doing, sweetie? what's going on?" he ask.

i just shrug. i wanna be by myself.

"well, i wanna know how you're taking this baby news. you're the first person to find out."

"it doesn't bother me."

"really? you're reaction downstairs suggest otherwise..."

"yep. doesn't matter to me."

"well, i know that's a lie. but i want you to know that when the baby comes, we might be busy with the baby. it doesn't mean we'll love you any less, but babies require a lot of attention and work. we still love you, and will never stop."

"...i don't wanna hear about it anymore. i just wanna go to bed."

"well it's too early, and you haven't eaten dinner yet. let's go eat."

"I'm not hungry, daddy. i just wanna go to bed."

"not up for discussion." he says, and walks out. i know better than to argue with him, and follow him.

i didn't want to eat dinner.

"Ms. Avery. is something wrong with the food? it's your favorite." George says. He made me chicken nuggets, while everyone else had pork chops.

"somethings wrong with me." i mumble. "no. i just wanna go to bed." i say, out loud.

"well, we watched your sister go down this road of not eating, and we're learning from our mistakes. you need to eat." mommy says. i just nod and look down.

i take a few bites of my food.

"avery, aren't you hot?" mommy ask. i shake my head.

"it's hot as hell in here. take that jacket off before you get sick. making me hot!" she says. we all giggle at her comments.

"but mommy, i like my jacket."

"not when it's this hot, you don't." she replies.

i reluctantly take off the jacket, carefully, to hide my cuts.

having food made me feel slightly better. they kept asking me questions about the baby. the food made me feel more cooperative, so i just answered the questions honestly. i still didn't want to be there.

after dinner, i took my shower and laid in bed. i wasn't doing anything. just staring at the ceiling and walls.

after a while, i started crying. i am so alone.

once again, there is a knock. i look over at the clock, and it is 8:45pm. why can't they just let me be alone and sleep?!

i open the door, and it was mommy.

"hey avery."

"hi mommy."

"well...i think we really need to talk... about everything."

we talked until 10pm. she explained a lot, like why sierra went away, what happened with grandma, some of the changes that will happen with the baby, etc.

"so avery...i trust that you will tell the truth without me having to read you. what's been going on with you? what's bothering you? i really want to be here to listen and help you. you just have to tell me."

i look down. "i don't wanna talk about it."

"well too bad. this has gone on for too long. we need to know."

she has a point.

i told her everything, and i mean EVERYTHING. i just started rambling on for about 20 minutes about the past few months.

i even told her about tonight.

i was crying by the end. she was there to hug me, and hugged me for about 5 minutes to help me calm down.

she said had to tell daddy everything.

i told her i wanted to die.