the last straw

overlap

sierra POV

it's 11pm. i feel like im about to start panicking. i can feel myself getting anxious. i don't want to wake up mom, dad, george, or ty.

i decide to call my therapist. i hope she isn't sleep.

the phone rang twice before Dr. K answered.

"sierra! how are you? is everything okay? it's pretty late to be calling, don't you think?" she says. i can hear her smile.

"umm... i'm sorry for calling late, but i think i'm about to have an anxiety attack." i say. it's getting harder to breath. i decide to pace around my room to catch my breath.

dr. k stays on the phone with my for 20 minutes to calm me down.

"i'm really proud of you for reaching out for help intead of suffering in silence. are you going to tell your parents about this? it's important that they know your anxiety is still prevalent."

"should i? i don't want to worry them."

"well, you know you keeping secrets will cause more problems..."

"you're right. thank you so much."

"that's why i'm here. if you need anything else you can always call or text me."

"thank you." then i hung up.

i'm not telling anyone anything. i'm sick of making them worry about me. i'm going to be okay.

ANGIE POV

i go to check on avery and sierra.

it was avery's night with Kirby. when i went into her room, kirby was on her pillow, and she was sleeping slightly below the pillow. it was such an adorable scene.

when i get to sierra's room, she isn't on her bed.

"sierra?" i call out.

no reply.

i walk in and find her in the floor with her arm bleeding and the a razor beside her.

"Sierra! Mike, get in here!"

mike comes running into the room right as sierra starts moving, and sits up.

"mom, i can explain!" she almost screams.

"you're cutting again? why?" i ask in a calm voice.

im freaking out. i thought i walked into sierra on the floor from suicide, again.

"i stopped with the medicine, then the thoughts came back. im sorry."

"so why didn't you take the medicine?" mike questions.

"i hate the medicine. it makes me numb. i don't want to be numb anymore, dad.

"why did you tell us?"

"i'm so sick of feeling like a burden. i thought i could deal with this on my own."

"let me see your arm." i say, and knell down beside her.

this is worst i've ever seen her arm. she had overlapping cuts and word carved out. it's like she wanted to die.

mike sees her arm and went to get a first aid kit.

sierra is silent, and has blank eyes.

"did you want to die? this is a lot, sierra. i thought i walked in on you attempting suicide again."

she starts crying. "why do i keep doing this to you? why did this happen to me? why can't i just die? i'm sorry for being alive."

i hug her, careful to not touch her arm.

"none of this is your fault. i'm not mad or frustrated, neither is your dad. we care so much about your well-being, and we always care, okay baby?"

she nods, but is still crying.

"i need to go back on the medicine."

"taking all of that medicine made you feel worse, though."

"i can take smaller amounts."

"alright..."

mike comes back with the first aid, and he leads her into the bathroom to start cleaning.

she's silent the whole time. she doesn't talk for the rest of the night.

she's sleeping in our bed tonight. tomorrow she's going to start slowly taking the antidepressants again.

when she fell alseep, mike and i started talking about to do.

he thinks kirby and the dance lessons will help, but he's against her taking the antidepressant. i agree about kirby and dance, but this proves that she needs them.

she could've died tonight. i know that's dramatic, but that's what i'm thinking about. this is the second time that i've walked in on her on the floor, unresponsive. if this medicine will ensure that she won't harm herself again, then i'm for it.

TIME SKIP TO NEXT MORNING

ty is still here, thankfully. he occupies trinity, avery, and kirby by playing with them before breakfast, while george and i set the table. mike goes to wake up sierra.

trinity is such an easy baby. she's so happy and tiny. she's perfect, like my other three babies.

sierra is trying to eat this morning. im so proud of her, but i can't point it out or she'll think im monitoring her or saying she's eating too much. i can see she is sort of struggling with the eating, but she's trying anyways. i live that she is doing this on her own.

ty and avery come to the table to eat, and kirby follows avery. i put Trinity back in her high chair.

"good job eating, sisi!" avery says when she gets to the table. sierra smiles.

"thank you, avery." sierra replies, beaming.

Sierra POV

ty wants to take me, avery, and trinity out for the day. it took a little convincing but dad agree to letting trinity come with us.

unfortunately, paparazzi followed us. we went to the mall and bowling, and paparazzi were very eager to get a picture of trinity.

they kept shouting for avery to look at them, and of course she reacted.

"stop talking to me!" she kept yelling. of course they loved that and kept talking to her.

i bent down and told her to ignore them or they'd keep doing it. she pouted but stopped going and forth with them. ty had a smile on his face while holding Trinity.

after the bowling, ty took us out to eat.

avery and trinity were playing, so ty and i chatted.

"so how have you been without the medicine?"

"oh...umm... it's been hard."

"you know you can tell me anything, right? i know

you're not saying something."

"...i cut myself last night...like a lot so i'm starting the medicine again."

"why did you cut again?"

"i just felt every emotion come back at me and it was too much. imma start slow, then build up if needed. i want to get better. more than anything i want to get better for y'all."

"what about for you?"

"what about me?"

"why aren't you trying to get better for yourself? you do matter. you know that? right?"

i don't think i matter. i'm here for them. that's it.

"yea."