the last straw

survival

Sierra POV

"Oh, it was just something i said. It's not important."

"Well, he said it was important, and that I really needed to hear it." She said, sitting down on the edge of my bed.

"It was just about Leslie's mom. Nothing important, really."

Silence.

"You know won't beg you, but Ty wanted me to talk to you. Like almost begging."

Silence, again.

"It was just about the disorder. Why it was never supposed to get this far. It was just supposed to give me something to focus on, and not turn into a disorder. But I can't really tell anyone that because nobody would understand. I don't know why Ty wanted me to tell you. you can't magically cure me of this thing."

Silence.

"You think you inherited it?"

"Yea. It just makes sense because this wasn't my goal. Ya know?"

She nods.

"So what's the next move? What can we do to help you?"

"I don't want help, mom. That's the problem. Yes, this is bad, but me failing at getting better is worse. I'm fine."

She just looks at me. I don't know what she's thinking.

"You know I used to be bulimic, right?"

"What-?"

"Yea. I used to have an eating disorder too. I know what you're going through. Your dad didn't want me to tell you, but you need to know that you're not alone. Seriously Sierra, this will get worse - way worse - before it gets better."

Silence.

"So this whole time, i felt like i was alone, and this time you knew what it was like? I have felt so alone for so long, and this whole time I could've came to you about this, mom, and you could've made me feel less crazy." I say, starting to cry.

"I told her not to say anything about it." Dad says, standing at the door. "The goal wasn't to isolate you, Sierra. It was to make sure Angie didn't fall back into old habits."

"What?" I ask.

"I was scared that you two would bond over this eating disorder. Then I'd lose both of you to this. Angie was VERY deep in her disorder when we met, and her recovery was hell. Talking about it around her is a toss up on if it will have an effect on her. Her talking about them in generally is a toss up. So to prevent her from relapsing, i just told her to not talk about it with you. I know she'd go back to it."

"So i shouldn't talk about it around her?" I ask.

"No. If it doesn't have an immediate effect, it will later. Don't mention anything about it around her. Ive seen it."

"Imma go so yall can talk." Mom says, leaving. She looks nervous.

"Do you think we triggered her?" I say, worried.

"I hope not, imma talk to her tonight to make sure she's okay."

Silence.

"So...mom really was sick? Why tell me now?"

"She probably wanted to let you that you weren't alone... Im not going to show you any pictures of her, but just know that she looked VERY sick. And look at her now. Recovery is possible."

"Is that why you push me so hard about my disorder? Because mom went through it?"

"Ive seen that disorder suck the life out of the women I love. I cant watch it do it my daughter too." A tear feel from his eye. He wipes it quickly.

"Well, I'll get better, dad. I promise. Maybe not tomorrow, but I'll get there."

He chuckles a little.

"I know, baby."

----------------------------
Angie POV

I wasnt triggered by the conversation. I thought i would be, honestly. I just remembered that Avery didn't take her medicine.

I went to her room to find Ty and George with her.

"Mommy, can you tell Ty and George that nothing is wrong with me." Avery says, almost as soon as i walk in.

"Mom, will you tell her that not eating will get her nowhere." Ty replies back.

"Y'all are so cute." I say, smiling. "Alright, Avery. You gotta take your medicine."

"But mommy-"

"No buts."

Avery pouts, but takes the medicine.

"Good job, Avery." Ty says. She reolies by sticking her tounge at him.

"Have they been like this all night?" I ask George.

"ALL night." George replies, smiling.

We banter for a little bit before we all leave Avery in her room.

--------------------
Avery POV

It's not fair how they let Sierra not eat, but now i cant not eat. Im not even hungry. It might be because of the medicine.

I wanna cut. Im not sad, or even have a reason, but i want to do it. So i will.

I dont have anything to cut with, so I have to go to the kitchen to get a knife.

Getting the knife was easy. Sneaking it back up the stairs...not so much.

When i came back up the stairs, Si and Ty were in the hallway talking. I had to hide the knife behind my back.

"Avery... What's behind your back?" Ty said.

"Nothing." I lied, and hid the knife further behind my back.

"If youre hiding something, it's not working. What is it?" He prys.

"Nothing." I say, bolting for my door, and locking it.

"Avery, what's going in?! Seriously, what are you hiding?!" Sierra yells.

"Nothing! I just wanna go to bed!" I tell back.

"THEN OPEN THE DOOR!" ty yells.

"NO!" I yell back.

"Ugh!" Sierra groans. They gave up.

I stand with my back to the door for a few seconds, scared to move. After a few seconds, they lesve the hallway, and I go sit on my bed.

I cut my leg. I know that if cut my arm, mommy will notice.

3 new scars. They burn, but i like it.