the last straw

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Sierra POV

i've been taking antidepressants a lot more recently. i feel like i'm being drugged up and can barely feel anything mentally. i don't know if this is good, but i'm scared to say anything about it to my parents.

i haven't cried in a while, or cut myself so i guess there's no reason for anyone to be scared for me. i'm fine.

Angie Pov

sierra seems so distant from everyone suddenly. i was scared about upping her antidepressants, but she says she doesn't feel like dying but won't explain how else she's feeling.

Mike and I decided to get the kids a cat. We took Avery and Sierra to a pet store, and they picked out an orange cat, and named him Kirby.

This is the time in the past few weeks that Sierra has seemed happy. she actually talking, and doesn't seem like a zombie. she was smiling the whole way home, too. i've missed seeing my baby girl like this.

as soon as we got home, avery and sierra started playing with Kirby. they both looked so happy, and i wouldn't trade this feeling for anything. seeing your kids be genuinely happy after them being wanting to die for so long was such a relief.

i decided to capture the moment and post it on instagram.

while the girls were playing with Kirby, a thought popped into my head. sierra could cut herself and say the cat did it. why would she lie about that? would she want to keep cutting after she got the cat? i hope not.

TIME SKIP TO LATER THAT NIGHT

Ty and Georgia made chicken alfredo for the family. everyone was eating but Sierra. she asked for ensure instead and said she couldn't stomach food tonight. at first mike was going to force her to eat, but i stepped in. i said she had to take a few bites at least then she could have the ensure. i'm really trying to be more lenient with her disorder. too much pushing could be detrimental to her progress.

it was hard for her to eat a few bites, but she eventually did it.

i decided that we needed to talk after dinner, so i told her to come to be room when she was done eating.

"am i in trouble?" she ask as she closed my bedroom door.

"no, i was just checking up on you. you've seemed sort of out of it for a little bit before we got Kirby. is the antidepressants?"

"oh that...umm... well they're working, i guess. i haven't been sad or wanted to hurt myself."

"that's good, but are they making you happy? or just suppressing the depression?"

"oh, umm... i guess suppressing. but it's okay. I'm okay."

"sie-"

"mom, really. im okay. please don't start panicking. im fine. i have kirby now."

"but what about your eating? you were struggling today."

"yes, but that's just one day. please believe me mom. im okay."

"alright..."

"i know you don't believe me, but i'm really doing better than i have these past few weeks. kirby is going to help."

TIME SKIP TO THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT

avery burst through our bedroom screaming. she ran straight to Mike. unfortunately she woke up Avery, so i went to calm her down.

avery was hysterically crying, and mike could barely calm her down. she was babbling on, but nothing was clear enough for us to understand.

eventually Trinity fell back asleep, so i went over to Mike and Avery. this was a mistake, and avery got more hysterical when i got closer. she looked at me like she was scared of me. i backed up.