Dangerously Sweet.

Chapter forty one: Be happy your an idiot.

 There's always that moment that you can't forget. That person or moment in time. I think that's what's wrong with most of us; we have too many of those. We have too many of those moments that our minds won't let us forget. They stay there and no matter how much you try to ignore it, it's always there taunting you. It's in the far reaches of your mind swinging back and forth like a pendulum. Their vivid little monsters that attack from all angels. They let you think you have control and then they come back harder and tougher than before. They slowly suck the life out of you. Their like vampires; the speed, the strength, the tempting fate. They have everything but beauty, at least in most cases. They control your mind even after years of separation. They slowly draw your life from you and everyone around you until you're nothing more than a walking corpse. The walking dead. The living breathing eating undead. Perhaps we're worse than vampires. At least everybody knows how they got that way and how to avoid them but not the others.

The others; that's what we are. Human vampires. Sucking energy out of others in order for our monsters to survive. Nobody knows how we got this way except us. Nobody knows how to avoid us because we come in all shapes and sizes, different colors, and different problems. We each find our own pleasure and abuse it. We use and use until it becomes our death. Those that don't know true pain don't know how to deal with us. Though they say they understand they never truly do. Like the holocaust it's one of those things you just have to be there for in order to fully understand.

The perfects will never fully understand because the prefects are trying to cure what they don't know with knowledge and medicine. Like a believer trying to convince a skeptic that ghost are real. The perfects that’s what normal humans are. Their regular people with little petty problems. They make a big deal out of little things while we handle the true burden of pain and sorrow. Some of us have been hurt so much and long that we no longer feel pain. Like we got disconnected from our bodies. Almost like your listening to a movie without actually seeing it. Reading while you’re not focusing. There's just no point. There's just no point to life. Many of us find it of no use to continue but then we meet them. The idiots.

The idiots are those people who are stupid enough to actually listen to what you say and try to help. They don't force their help on you or force you to get better. They simply are. They stand before you every morning with the sole intent of having fun with you. Then every morning you find yourself, in your mind, cursing and begging them to leave you alone because you have no more will power to go on. Yet at the end of the day you find yourself thankful to them for being the idiots and spending another sickening boring stupid day with you and you silently pray their there the next morning. Maybe we each have our own group of idiots and sometimes those idiots are also the others—the human bloodsuckers. Either way maybe just maybe the world fucked our lives up so we could meet and fuck each other up some more and then get better together. Then again I could be spitting a crap full of BS.

But right now I feel like I somehow regained a piece of me as I awoke in the arms of the biggest idiot. I muzzled deeper into his chest. I felt his lips pull up against my forehead. He greeted me. I said nothing back. I wanted to stay in his arms forever and soak up all his body heat. I just wanted to stay by his side.

“How are you feeling? Any better?” His voice was slightly tinted with worry. I nodded my head.

“I'm fine.”

“Good I'm glad. You've had a rough couple of weeks. Your new adoptive mother told me to tell you that you’re grounded for the rest of the month. You’re not allowed to leave the room and everything will be brought to you. If you want someone to bring you something you have to ring a bell or shout our name. Got it?”

He was my new adoptive brother. I had a whole litter of a new family. People who actually wanted me. People who choose me. Maybe they could help me start over. Maybe Mrs. Evans—I mean mom... maybe she could show me what a real mother is supposed to be like. “I've never had siblings. I was raised to be selfish.” I said warning him.

He chuckled. “I'm perfectly fine with that. As is my family. You can be as selfish as you want.”

Why did he always want me to be myself? I'm not someone spectacular. I'm not this awesome person who amazes you. Yet they all want me. They want me to be a part of their family. They want me to be with them forever. They must be more insane that I first thought. Still... he did say to be as selfish as I want. I know that what I'm about to say could bit me in the ass and that it could ruin everything that I've worked for my whole life but.... I wanted to take a chance.

“I know this could ruin me... but I would risk it for you. For the boy who lets me cry on chest and knows me better than I know myself. For the boy who won't ask me to be what he needs, but let's me exist as I am. For you.... I'll risk it and stay by your side...only because you said I could be selfish.”

I picked my head up off his chest and locked eyes with his blue ones. “I'm really happy you'll do that. For me. Still” he frowned a little “I don't want you to stay here if you don't want to. You don't have to push yourself.”

Somehow and for some reason I felt a tug on my lips. My vision closed ever so slightly. My heart thudded. “I want to.” Caden stared back at me in surprise and amazement.

He looked into my eyes and let his hand rest against my cheek. “You look even more beautiful when you smile. By the way, I never got a chance to tell you but you look gorgeous in my clothes.” It was only a small smile. Almost invisible. Still it was the most I have smiled since I was nine. It was the most I've ever felt at peace since then. I felt like I was being swallowed up by a bright warm white light. Like it was full of happiness and I could finally relax. Even I know I sound crazy but it was how I felt. It felt like the world was finally giving me permission to heal.

I certainly was not healed. I wasn't able to completely smile and giggles didn't exactly float up my throat. Still I think it's about time I let things happen. Instead of putting on an expressionless face maybe I can cry and laugh when I want to. Maybe it's about time I let everyone see who I really am. I know Caden and his family could hurt me. Still I can't bring myself to think so. I still want them to keep me by their side. I still want to get mad at them because they won't leave me alone and lock myself in my room with music blasting. Take a quite stroll in the middle of the night. Maybe this time Caden can join me on it. Maybe I won't have to be alone anymore. For all anyone knows they might just have enough man power and years to heal me, completely. Still they could wound me. Although I think I'm willing to take that chance. As longing as Caden stays by my side and no matter how stupid and crazy I get he never leaves. I don't want him to ever stop being so persistent. I want him to heal me because I just might love him.