Possibilities

・☆《Part Thirteen》☆・

The silence didn't last long in the hallway. Renna started to relax until Levi asked, "Have you ever had sex?"

Her heart sank. "No."

"Then, how do you know you won't enjoy it?"

"I just know."

He scoffed, irritating Renna to her core.

"The same way I don't have to place my hand on a hot stove to know it won't be enjoyable," she explained, hoping it made sense.

"Sex isn't like a hot stove."

Will I ever be able to get through to him? Can he understand? "It is for me," she said. I feel like it's not that complicated. Is it just because I can feel all this? I don't need to explain it to myself. I don't know how I could say it to make him see the way I feel.

At the door, Renna dropped Levi's hand to search through her small bag for her keys. The jingle lead her to them and she picked out her apartment key from the five on the ring.

As she slotted the key into the door, Levi said, "But are you open to trying things?"

She froze. Key in the slot. Hand ready to turn. Turning slow, she tried to think up an answer, but couldn't make her brain work.

"We don't have to go all the way if you don't want to," he said, seeing her panic-stricken face. "But could we try some things?"

Her heartbeat accelerated. Hands began to tremble. She gulped. "Like what?"

"Touching." His fingers trailed up one side of her waist. "Maybe with less clothes. Or while naked." He smiled, watching his hand move over her breast.

Breath hitched in her throat. Stomach flipped. She fought to keep the trembles from taking over her body. I hope he can't feel or see the shaking.

The blood drained from her face, and Levi must have seen it. "Not sex!" he said, dropping his hand. "But more than just kissing."

"Um..." What do I say? I can't say no. Can I? What will—if I say no, what will he say—do? I don't want it. I don't want—please don't make me. I don't want that. None. I can't—Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't Cry.

Levi took Renna's arm at her elbow and slid his hand down to take hers in his. "Could you just say you'll give it a try? And if you don't like it, then that's that."

I don't want to. This isn't anything I've ever wanted. Why can't we just—kiss, love each other, hold hands. Why do we need more? Why does a relationship need sex? Why is it—Sex shouldn't be the most important thing. Am I not enough without sex? What's wrong with me?

I've given him love, kindness, respect. He's gotten more closeness then any of my other exes. More closeness than I'm comfortable with. Why can't that be enough?

I was honest with him from the beginning. He told me he was okay with me. My asexuality. Accepted me. Told me he didn't need more from me. Didn't need sex. Did he think I meant no sex for a while?

He tilted his head to the side, giving her a sad look, waiting for her answer.

Her heart dropped yet her stomach turned. "Can I think about it?"

"Of course, baby." Taking her head in her hands, he leaned down and kissed her. A gentle kiss. Contrasting with the elevator kiss. He broke the kiss, but kept his forehead pressed against hers. "Let me know soon."

With one last kiss, he walked down the hallway, only looking back while he waited for the elevator.

She watched him walk in, and listened to the doors shut before she turned around to unlock the door.

Inside, she shut the door and sighed with relief. Her body relaxed, the tension washing off her like a wave.

I told him. Now, Briella doesn't have to intervein. But what answer am I going to give him? What am I going to do? How do I deal with this?

She made her way to the bathroom and stood in front of the sink. Hands leaning on the counter, she stared in the mirror. A red mark on her neck caught her eye. He gave me a hickey?! He marked me! She touched her fingers to the red spot, and pulled them away at the soreness of it. A tender ache.

In the kitchen, she found a piece of ice in the freezer and returned to the bathroom to hold it on the spot, begging the swelling and redness to fade faster.

I can't believe he's done this to me. I'll have to hide it now. She hoped she could cover it with the minimal makeup products she had. If anyone sees me with this, I'll die of embarrassment.

☆