"Sex isn't the most important part of a relationship. It's just a bonus."
Renna has been told many times that sex is an important part of life and vital in a relationship, but as a sex-repulsed asexual, she has no desire for sexual intimacy- -ever...
Her knuckles turned white on the steering wheel. For the last few days, she'd held her shoulders up by her ears and ground her teeth together until her jaw ached.
The day she went to work at the cakery, she spent all day staring out the large windows and checking her phone for new terrifying photos. On her days off, she stayed at home, behind locked doors. Stuck in her apartment, scared to leave, she isolated herself, and spent her time playing video games, watching movies on Netflix, and pacing with a wild mind.
Nothing she did could rid her mind of the anxious thoughts. She wondered where he was? What he was doing? If he was downstairs waiting for her? Or was he planning something else?
Jada asked her out for coffee and a chat one day, and she wanted to go, but she sent back a text saying no. Dread settled deep in her stomach at the thought of running into him in public. She couldn't risk it. Didn't want any more photos. Wanted it to all go away. Staying at home, alone, was her best option to avoid the trouble she had caused.
It's all my fault. It became her new life motto. She repeated it to herself daily. Believed it. She hated how after meeting Levi, she managed to not only ruin her life, but ruin lives of people she deeply cared about. If I never had started dating Levi, Jensen would still have his long time friend. Briella wouldn't be so panicked about me; texting me everyday wondering if I'm okay. And I could have seen Jada that day to catch up over coffee and cake instead of blowing her off out of fear.
She fell into a deep, dark hole and didn't know how to get out of it. Most of her free time, she spent in bed, hidden under the covers. Multiple times she considered crawling out and into the kitchen to bake something. It would help clear her mind and momentarily distract her from her problems, but she couldn't find the energy or motivation to drag herself out to start.
This morning, she hit the snooze button five times before flipping the blankets off her, and then it still took her twice more to haul her heavy body up and get to her feet.
She got ready and stood in front of the front door for several minutes, building the courage to open it.
In the car, she locked the doors and caught her breath after the dash to safety.
The closer she grew to work, the more her nerves buzzed. Fizzled like an electrical current travelling through her blood stream.
By the time she pulled up outside the cake shop, she her head throbbed. She squeezed her eyes shut but it only pounded harder. Opening her eyes and waiting for her vision to quit swirling, she forced her fingers to uncurl from the steering wheel. They ached and felt stiff.
She glanced around the best she could with her lack of focus, and rushed into the warm and cozy shop. A small part of the delicious smell escaped onto the street.
Julie greeted her with a wide grin and a wave of her flour covered hand. "Good morning, Renna."
"Morning, Julie," she replied, leaving the 'good' out of it on purpose.
Julie returned to spreading chocolate icing on the tops of brownie slices. "Marnie's taking the morning off," Julie explained. "She'll be in later today."
"Okay." Despite her nonchalant tone, anytime Marnie took time away from her cake shop, it shocked her. Her entire life revolved around her shop. She loved her shop. Loved to bake. Treated her shop like her own child. She gave it care and love, and all her time. So, on days she didn't show up, it had Renna surprised and a little concerned.
Renna walked around the counter, heading towards the kitchen door.
"Oh, I should tell you," Julie said, cleaning up a drop of icing on the white marble counter. "You're boyfriend stopped by yesterday looking for you."
Renna stopped in the doorway and looked back. A small smile crept up on her. Boyfriend? Jensen called himself my boyfriend? "Really?"
"Yeah, he said you two had a fight, or something, and he was trying to reach you."
Blood drained from her face. Her stomach spun into tight knots. "What—What colour was his hair?"
She stopped, holding the spatula on top of the brownie. Looking back at Renna, she crinkled her brow, and said, "What? Err...Well...Black. He had black hair."
Her stomach plummeted as if the ground beneath her feet dropped out. Julie watched her; eyes burning holes into Renna. But Renna kept her eyes on the floor, and turned and walked into the kitchen.
"Something wrong, Renna?" Julie called from the front of the shop.
Renna shoved her bag into the shelves and swallowed hard. "No," she lied. "It's fine. I just don't want to talk to him."
"What did the bastard do?" The sudden nearness of her voice made Renna jump and whip around, knocking her knuckles against the side of the metal shelves.
I can't tell her the truth. I can't lie. What can I say? Part of the truth perhaps. She looked her in the eye and took a deep breath. "He's not my boyfriend anymore. He—he hurt me, and I don't want to see him."
"So, if he turns up here looking for you, I should kick him out on his arse."
She nodded.
"Got it." She gave her a wink. "I have your back." She returned to the front as the door chimed and she greeted a man and woman holding hands.
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