There Must Be Something More

118 | But I'm Not Mad Anymore

Calum hugged me tight.

Tighter. And tighter.

"Calum..." I started to yelp.

Calum's shoulders rose and fell in a quick motion followed by short breaths and sighs.

He was crying. 

This time, I hugged him tighter too.

Amanda sobbed and hugged us as well.

"My mom's in the hospital," Calum said as soon as we all quiet down and sat across from each other in the gazebo. Amanda sat close to Calum.

"Why?" I asked.

"Stage-four brain cancer." Calum looked up at me, his brown eyes blurry in tears. Amanda pursed her lips and hugged him. He just cried all the more.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Amanda asked.

"I wanted to. But you guys have been distant. And I... I've got no one." Calum whimpered, shaking his head.

I've never seen him this vulnerable. He was always the strong one in our group, always trying to keep everything in place. He was the class clown, the joker. He made jokes every time one of us was sad. He made sure he made everyone happy as much as he can.

That was because nobody ever did that for him. Calum grew up with just his mom. That was why he was a big mama's boy. He never knew his father. He only shared that his dad left him and his mom as soon as he was born. He has always felt rejected by him. And he grew up to hate dads and felt like he didn't need them. He was the opposite of me, since I grew up longing for the attention of my parents.

But whenever I felt left out by my own mom and dad, Calum was there to cheer me up; to cheer me and Amanda up. He acted like our big brother, and he is months older than we are.

Now the comforter needed to be comforted. And the class clown was no longer laughing.

"You guys left me too." Calum said, his voice cracking. "Just like Wilson."

His dad.

"What makes you say that?" Amanda asked in disbelief, shaking her head numerous times.

Calum scoffed. "Charlie's with his new best friends Meredith and Samuel. And you're dating Joey Morris."

"We're not dating." Amanda said immediately. "It was just a fling thing. I don't like him that way."

"And Calum, I never left you." I added. "You left me. You pushed me away. You wouldn't even give me a chance to just share to you about my faith. I'm not trying to convert you. I'm just telling you the amazing thing that happened to me, and is happening to me. Don't think that when I wanna share Jesus to you that I'm trying to shove Him down your throat. I just wanna tell you of the Treasure I found. I can't convince you to accept Jesus. You gotta do that yourself. All I can do is tell you about Him.

"You judged me before even listening to me. And you hurt me way more than I hurt you. I kept trying to reach out to you, but it seemed as if you grew to hate me like everyone else. Other people, I could understand why they don't want anything to do with me. It's because all they see in me is 'that religious kid'. But you... you've known me since forever. I thought you would be there for me when no one else was. Even if you didn't agree with my worldview.

"But the ones who did that was Meredith and Samuel and Trey. They were there for me when you weren't. They were there for me when I felt rejected by everybody. They were there for me when no one else was.

"Remember the talk we had at the bathroom at our latest lecture? You heard me. I wanted to get back in touch with you again. But you almost beat me up. I almost didn't recognize the kid I met way back when. 

"So if you wanna talk about leaving, that's you and not me."

Calum sobbed and covered his face with his hands. 

"But I'm not mad anymore." I said, sniffling back tears and walking towards him. I put a hand on his shaking shoulder. "I just wanna talk to you. I just wanna be there for you."

"Charlie, I'm sorry." Calum stood up, looking me in the eyes.

I nodded and hugged him tight. Amanda watched us crying. But this time they were of joy.

"I'm sorry too. I'm sorry I haven't been there for you." I said, patting him on the back.

Amanda proceeded to share that she had surrendered her life to Jesus just a few days ago. Calum seemed astounded at the news, but wasn't hostile. He said good for her and told her he was genuinely happy for the both of us.

And then he said something that astounded me this time.

"Could you guys pray for my mom?" He asked, his eyebrows scrunched together as if he had a hard time saying it. "You don't even have to pray for me."

But we still prayed for him. The three of us held hands and started to pray. Calum just listened in, nodding at every declaration that I uttered in Jesus' name. Amanda kept saying amen.

After that, we all said good night. But before I could walk back to my pickup, Calum called my name.

"Thanks for the prayer." He said.

"You're welcome." I smiled.

"See you tomorrow, Borlock." He said, grinning. "Love you, man."

"Love you too, man." I chuckled.

"And Amanda?" Calum cocked his head to Amanda just behind me.

Amanda seemed surprise, but she said calmly, "Yeah?"

"You sure you're not dating Joey Morris?"

She scoffed, smiling. "No."

"Why not?"

"I don't like him that way. I just thought he was fun at the time. But not anymore. I don't have time for that anymore."

Calum smiled, a sense of relief seemed to make his eyes flicker. "Good."

"Good night, Cal," Amanda smiled wider. "And please clean yourself up."

"Yes, ma'am." He said before he went inside their house.

When we got inside the car, I turned teasingly at Amanda. "Why don't you like Joey? He's cute."

Amanda laughed. "Not my type."

"I know your type," I said, jamming the keys in the ignition. "Brown hair, brown eyes, freckles, and goofy smile?"

She chuckled. "I don't have time for any of that right now."

I laughed. "That's not my question."

Amanda laughed. "Just drive!"

"You like him! I knew it." 

"I never said anything!"

"Your eyes say it all!"

"And now you're an eye reader?"

"If there was such a thing, I would be."

Amanda laughed. And then she turned to the window beside her, watching as we drove past Calum's house.

"Do you think he'll be alright?" She asked.

"He's Calum." I smiled, watching the moonlit road in front of us. "He's endured much more pain than any of us."

"And we prayed for him." Amanda reminded.

"And we prayed for him." I repeated, smiling.