There Must Be Something More

24 | Heaven-Sent

And so the very next morning, I was filled with shame.

In all honesty, I would have chosen not to go to school. But whenever Mom's foot banged on the wooden door, I knew I had no choice. I moved with reluctant strength to the bathroom, to the living room, and to my car.

I was even too ashamed to look at the church sign. I was too shamed for everything that day.

As soon as I got to the hallway I dashed behind a locker and pressed my back against the stucco wall. I looked out for anyone. I didn't want to see Calum or Amanda; I've had enough of their lies and confusion. But I also didn't want to see Meredith; I was too ashamed after what I did to her yesterday, ignoring her kindness like that after all we've been through.

I'm a horrible person.

I listened to indistinct excited voices. No Meredith. I peeked from behind the metal lockers and saw my baseball team. I hid back again. I waited for them to pass.

I checked my watch. This time around, Meredith would be handing out the sticky notes. Maybe I'll stay here till she finishes handing them all out. I don't deserve a Bible verse.

I waited for two minutes. I glanced at my watch. Where is she? Is she running late?

I waited a few more. I made sure no one saw me. I let people pass like sand between trembling fingers. I stuck to the wall like chewed bubblegum.

Okay, she's not coming, I decided. I came out of my hiding place and glanced around.

Meredith?

The first period bell rang. I hurried to my class.

~~~

"Where is she?" That was the first thing I said when lunchtime came. I scanned every familiar face sitting around round tables, eating lunch.

I was careful when I spotted Calum and Amanda. I didn't want to see them. At least, not yet. I wasn't sure what to say to them. I wasn't even sure what to do right now either.

Especially when Meredith was being a no-show.

Where could she be? I asked myself.

And then my thoughts turned to panic. What if she felt so bad about me ignoring her yesterday that she decided not to see me anymore and drop out of school? What if she's gone forever? What am I going to do? What if I never see her again?

"Okay, calm down," I said out loud. She didn't drop out.

But maybe she did feel bad about my actions yesterday, ignoring her and showing that I was happy with my old friends. What if she's mad at me for it? What if she thinks I'm a jerk and wouldn't want anything to do with me anymore?

Let's face it, Charlie Borlock. You are a jerk. Why wouldn't Meredith want to ignore you?

I chose an isolated table and ate alone. I regretted not looking at the church sign this morning. I knew I didn't deserve a Bible verse, but I also kind of didn't care. I felt selfish for it. I wanted to know God's Word for me for the day, in His own little way.

I closed my eyes. What am I going to do without you, Meredith? Where are you? Do you hate me now? You have every right to. I wouldn't blame you.

That day Meredith never showed up. No sticky note colored the gray world we all lived. No Bible verse lit up the dark days we were in.

None.

Until I passed by Nurse Emily's infirmary. She motioned for me to come. I figured Meredith was inside, but when I came in, the old woman was alone.

"Hello, Charlie," Nurse Emily said. She smiled, but her eyes were stormy.

"Is something wrong, Nurse Em?"

She brushed her stringy hair over her ear. "It's Meredith. She's not around today."

"Yeah," I said, "it's strange, considering she's always around for all the world to see--"

"She's at home. Sick. She called to tell me she couldn't help me out today. I'm actually doing fine by myself, but I couldn't stop worrying for that kid. She's become very dear to me. If I didn't have work today, I would be at her home taking care of her!"

I thought of a crazy idea. So crazy it might just be the right thing to do.

"I'll do it," I said.

Even Nurse Emily was caught off-guard. "What?"

"I'll take care of her. Right now."

She grinned. She tackled me in a hug. "Oh, you're a lifesaver, Charlie!" She rushed to her drawer and gave me a white towel and a tablet. She gave me a few directions and sent me on my way.

When I walked to my pickup that afternoon, I was nervous. I was going to see Meredith again. At last.

But the shameful feeling still stayed.

With every road bump I encountered, my heart leaped along.

What in the world will I say to her?

When her house came into view I was afraid. My first instinct was to turn around and head for home, make up an excuse to Nurse Emily as to why I couldn't go.

But deep down inside of me was a still small voice telling me to do the right thing. It wasn't only because I wanted to see her, it was also because I knew I needed her. Her faith that she reflected onto others like the rising of a sun.

I pulled over the side of the street, where her house faced me. The porch was empty. I figured her grandpa must be taking care of her.

A scared voice told me to just leave because Meredith didn't need me anymore, her grandpa was already taking care of her.

But another voice--not so loud, but definitely realer--told me that Meredith might not need me for anything, but I needed her for everything. And I'm never going away. Not anymore. I've discovered something real and amazing and I'm never letting go.

Like hidden treasure that everyone overlooks.

Because real treasure isn't tempting. The real good things don't seem good. They actually seem boring or uncomfortable, but if you take a chance with God, you'll see it's all worth it.

I smiled. Whoa, Meredith. I learned a lesson from God because of you again--and you're not even around!

You truly are heaven-sent.

I jogged up to her porch steps and knocked on the door. A few seconds passed and Grandpa Chuck greeted me with a warm smile.

"I brought an aspirin and a towel. I could help." I said, my heart pounding, my cheeks growing warm.

The old man chuckled. "I was wondering when you'd show."