There Must Be Something More

77 | John 11:25

My knees felt numb, but I didn't dare stop. My hands were clasped tight as I knelt at the side of my bed. I lifted my eyes onto the night sky. All I saw was stars and moon, but I knew better. God was looking down on me as I prayed everything about getting to borrow the photocopy machine, printing tracts successfully, and then winning a lot of souls and making a lot of disciples.

After all my prayers, I stopped. I remembered something to pray about. I knew God had planted it in my heart right there.

I thought hard about it for a while. I was sure I was too much of a chicken to ask God about it. Honestly I was afraid to know the answer--even though I was dying to.

In a weak attempt to ask God about it, I didn't. I grabbed my Bible sitting atop my bedside table and started to leaf through it.

God, I don't know what to do, I prayed, please tell me what to do. Right now. If You want me to ask You about what I've been meaning to ask You and am afraid to do it, convict me. I'm a coward, I know. I'm sorry. Please convict me.

I waited. The only sound was the rustle of leaves from the cider tree outside my window.

"God?" I whispered.

Nothing.

I gulped. I think I got the conviction, alright.

I sighed. I prayed, God, please tell me in any way You know how, if Liam ever repented and trusted in Jesus before his last breath. Please tell me and whatever the result is, give me the wisdom to accept things as they are. Help me be more committed to You because of it. In Jesus's name. Amen.

Was that brave? I asked myself. My palms were literally sweating. I lay back down and breathed a heavy sigh. I wondered what was going to happen tomorrow. I wondered what would come out of us using gospel tracts for the first time. I wondered if we would get to win a lot of souls and make disciples. I wondered if I could even witness to Amanda and Calum.

Amanda and Calum. Whoa. It felt like ages since I've said--or even thought--their name. Sure, I see them in my American Government class or in my Precalculus, but I've never made the time to think or worry about them anymore.

But actually thinking about a new opportunity to spread the gospel of Jesus Christ, I would love for Amanda and Calum to get a tract--or even better, I could personally evangelize them. Or Meredith could. Anyhow, I just wanted them to be saved.

I sighed. I know it's too late for Michael, but I really wish Liam was in heaven right now, I thought.

And then there was a voice. I grabbed my Bible beside me and leafed through the Gospel of John.

And stopped at a verse.

Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in Me will live, even though they die; ~John 11:25

"God!" I said in surprise. And then I whispered, "Does... this mean Liam's in heaven with You? Is that what You're trying to say?"

I grabbed my pen and underlined the verse. I wasn't sure if it was truly God who had led me to it. I wanted to make sure. I wanted some kind of evidence.

I ripped off my covers and trotted down the stairs. Mom was arranging the couch. She saw me rushing to the door and stopped me.

"Charlie! Where are you going?" She asked, staring as if I had gone insane.

I was panting. I ran all the way. "Um... I'm going to Meredith's house. She needs me for something."

"Tell her it's curfew time," she said. "She can wait to have you help her till tomorrow, can't she?"

"Mom, come on, please!" I said, slapping my palms together in plead.

She looked shocked. "Are you begging, Charlie?"

"Yes."

She sighed. "Go ahead. Be back in ten minutes tops."

I burst out the door and sprinted a few blocks to Meredith's home. A raccoon scampered past me as I trotted my way to her front porch. Taking a deep breath, I knocked calmly on the door.

Sophie opened the door. She raised her eyebrows at me. "Charlie?"

"Can I talk to you?" I asked.

She raised an eyebrow. "Okay, what about?"

"Liam."

She stared at me. Then she nodded and closed the door behind her. She sat on the railing in the front porch and I sat across from her on the chair.

"Charlie," Sophie said, staring at me with a woeful look in her eyes. "I know you and Liam were the best of friends--well, more than that, because you were practically brothers. But... it's been weeks since he passed. You have to move on and--"

"Please hear me out," I said, raising a hand to stop her. "Please be honest with me, Sophie. Did Liam ever tell you anything before he died? You know, like those famous last words and stuff?"

She gasped. "Oh, right! Oh, my gosh, I can't believe I forgot!" She grinned. "Wait a sec!" She rushed back to the house.

"Um..." I waited. I tapped my fingers on my knees.

Grandpa Chuck saw me from the windows and met me out in the porch. "Charlie? What brings you here? Isn't it your curfew already?"

"I just really needed to talk to Sophie about something."

"Hmm-hmm," the old man said. "And what about?"

I chuckled in disbelief. "I know it seems crazy, Grandpa Chuck, but... I asked God to tell me if Liam was in heaven. And I feel like He's led me to John 11:25. You know it, right?"

"Certainly," he nodded. "The one who believes in Me will live, even though they die."

"Yes. After I prayed to God about it, I was led to that verse. It just popped up in my brain. I know it's not some kind of hallucination or something. I feel like it's absolutely from God."

"Well, where's Sophie now?"

"I don't know. She said for me to wait here."

Grandpa Chuck sat on the railing and smiled. "Well, I certainly don't want to leave a boy and a girl alone. I'll be your watchman."

Sophie ran out. She grinned and showed me a crumpled piece of paper. "This."

"What's that?" I asked, standing up in intrigue.

"It's Liam's note. Before he died. He asked me to let you read this."