There Must Be Something More

59 | What Then?

"Too far!" I laughed, shielding my eyes from the hot afternoon sun. The baseball landed onto a grass a few feet away from the chain-link fence that bordered the diamond.

Liam cursed and climbed his way over the fence. When he picked the ball up, he heaved it overhead. I was tempted to hit it with my bat instead of catching it. I swung my bat and it flew farther from the border fence.

I laughed some more. "Sorry, dude!"

Liam threw me a dirty look and jogged after the ball.

It was Saturday. I sat with my elbows on my knees on the cold metal bleachers for a while. I watched Liam search for the ball. I snickered.

And then I heard a bell. I cocked my head and saw at a glance that it was Meredith. She was riding her bike, but had stopped midway when she saw me.

I felt guilty about our little fight last night. So as soon as we locked eyes, I looked away before ever feeling the responsibility of giving her the satisfaction. Although I still felt immensely responsible.

I heard another bell and looked to see her ride away and off into another street. I didn't want her to go, but I wasn't sure if I wanted her to stay either.

A strong force on my knee catapulted me out of my thoughts. Liam had slammed the ball onto my knee. The pain throbbed.

He had a sly grin. "I saw that, man."

I looked at him funny. "Saw what?"

"That girl," he said, chuckling. "She was looking at you and you were awfully aware. You like that girl, don't you?"

I sighed. "She's already a friend of mine. Of course I like her."

"Why didn't you invite her to join us?"

I shook my head. "We're already having fun by ourselves." I grabbed my bat and carried it over my shoulder. "Come on!"

Liam laughed and jogged after me. "You're avoiding the subject. You obviously like that girl!"

I squared my jaw as I stopped onto my place in the diamond. I watched as Liam's throw reached high and headed towards me. I gave it my full force and hit so accurately.

Avoiding? You have no idea.

----------

Why would I?

I asked myself that a million times since I left the diamond and drove for home. Even before then my thoughts dwelt on the roaming subject.

Avoiding Meredith? Me? I knew I was. I remembered the familiar feeling. Just like the very first time I met her and had the strongest feeling she was right.

So was she right this time? About what, then? That I was doing something wrong?

My hand gripped the steering wheel. I was angered just remembering her exact words under that porch light.

"By the way you're compromising to what he does, I doubt he's going to believe about God in the Bible. The real God," I mocked in a high-pitched whispery tone. I scoffed. Then frowned.

Was she right--

"Look out!" Liam cried shrilly.

And I did look out. I saw the old woman and the little boy. So I grabbed the wheel and spun it in frantic strength. My adrenaline was in full rush, I could actually see the red effect.

I looked out just in time. I didn't hit the pedestrians.

But I also had swerved too much.

Right after the sight of the pedestrians on the windshield, a huge saguaro came into view. And the next thing I knew its lowly bent branch went straight through the glass. Shards everywhere.

And then nothing.

----------

A beep. Another. Then another.

I opened my eyes. I felt like camera lens adjusting to focus. Everything was a blur. But the voices definitely aren't. I heard whispers.

And then one loud word: Amen.

My vision cleared. I saw Samuel, Trey, and Meredith beside my bed. Judging by the bags in their eyes, they were crying. I wondered why.

I looked to my left and saw Grandpa Chuck. He was reading a book. When I grunted a little he looked up and grinned.

"And he survives," he said in his thick Western accent.

"Charlie!" Samuel cried.

Trey sniffled. "Oh, man, I thought you were a goner!"

"Thanks a lot," I smiled. And that's when I saw the thick bandage around my forearms. And the needle on my wrist. And realized the beeps came from a machine just behind Grandpa Chuck, and there was a mask over my nose and mouth.

"What in the world happened?" I tried to think and sit up straight. But there was a sharp pain in my stomach and I was sure I didn't want to make it worse.

"Your car hit a huge saguaro. Thank goodness the pedestrian you almost hit immediately called an ambulance. Or you would have died," Trey explained.

"Thank you. I wake up from an accident and you tell me the possible alternative," I muttered.

"Sorry."

"Thank the Lord you're safe," Meredith said. She patted my head and I felt a bandage just around it.

"Did you put this one on my head again?" I asked.

"Again?"

"Just like you did when I got hurt during practice. It was then that I found out you were the nurse's assistant," I explained.

Meredith giggled. And it felt nice to make her laugh again. I preferred it over the occasional cold hard stare she would give me.

"I would have done it again this time if the nurses didn't mean business," she said. She sniffled, and I was moved by the friendly compassion they were giving me.

I had ignored them for days, but they came for my aid without hesitation.

I think I just found out who the biggest jerk in the world was.

They stopped talking. They must have sensed the tension, the unknown blurring of an impending wave. Even I wasn't vastly aware of it. But I was compelled.

I lowered my eyes right there and said, "I'm sorry."

And the machine's beeping disappeared under the rubble of tears and words.

----------

After the apologies and forgiveness, the second thing I wanted to do was to know about Liam.

Where is he? Is he okay? Is he awake already?

Is he even alive?

I groped for the words. But I was afraid to touch the answers.

What if he's dead? What if I'm to blame? What then?

What then?

Finally after years of thinking, I asked, "Where's Liam?"

"He's still unconscious," Samuel said. "At least last I heard."

"Well, where is he!"

"Calm down. He's in another room with his sister and his sister's fiancee," Grandpa Chuck said. He put a heavy hand on my shoulder. "He'll be okay."

I closed my eyes. I wanted to believe him.

I didn't believe him.