There Must Be Something More

11 | God?

Just after the baseball practice, I snuck towards the infirmary. I wanted to see her. I wanted to see her actually helping people out. I wanted to see if a girl like her was real.

I kept a low profile. Especially because I knew Amanda or Calum might be around. Especially because I knew my fellow baseball teammates might be around.

I tiptoed my way to the room. I felt like a burglar, an intruder. Maybe I was. But I was just too curious. Surely she couldn't be worried about me. Surely she couldn't be concerned for everybody else who ignores her.

Surely she isn't real.

And then I heard her voice. She was talking to someone. Laughing. Who could she be with?

I peeked behind the door open ajar. What are the odds of it opened ajar? It was as if peeking behind it was what life had for me at the moment.

God?

Meredith was talking to Samuel Johns, the school president. She was wrapping a gauze around his arm. She was telling him it was nothing but a sprain. She told him to avoid heinous activities.

And then she said, "But that's okay, because I'll pray for you. Do you know Jesus is the best doctor of all time?"

Samuel looked hesitant. He stared at her. "Uh, yeah, I don't believe in that stuff."

"If you know an answer to an equation and no one believes you, will you stop knowing?" She asked him.

Samuel looked at her, flabbergasted. He looked down his hands. He exhaled. "No."

She smiled. "Then so it is with Jesus. Just because you don't believe, doesn't mean He doesn't exist. Just because you don't know He loves you, doesn't mean He doesn't."

The school president just stared at her. "But how do you even know He truly exists? How could God be real if we can't see Him?"

Meredith grinned. "That's a good question!" She skipped by the window. She patted the ledge. "Well, is there anything else we know is real but we can't see?"

Samuel frowned. I knew he didn't seem to want to answer. I knew he didn't seem to want to be proven wrong.

And I knew what to say.

"How about air?" I stepped inside the infirmary.

And miraculously, as if on cue, a draft visited. We all shivered.

Meredith looked at me. Slowly she grinned. She raised her arms. "Air is real enough to make us feel cold. I bet air has power, too."

I smiled. Samuel still looked hesitant.

"Just like air, God is there!" She added. "God is real and has power, even though we can't see Him."

I was about to ask more, and then I remembered the actual scenery of my actions.

I just defended Meredith. I just actually approached her myself.

I just actually spied on her from afar!

"But I know this won't get better till next week. Usually my sprains last that long," Samuel said. He eyed his gauze. "Man, I guess I'll have to rely on the vice president this time again."

"You won't have to," Meredith said. She smiled wide. She took his hand. "I speak healing in Jesus's name."

Samuel stared at her in puzzlement. "What--"

"Your arm is now healed," she said.

"But it still hurts."

She just smiled. And then she turned to me. "What about you?"

"What?" I said stupidly.

"Are you going to tell me why you're here or you're just going to resume watching from behind the door?"

I boggled, "How did you--" I caught myself. "I mean... I was just... lagging. I have to go now."

She boggled this time. "You don't have to go. Maybe you'd want to hear more of--"

"No, I really have to go," I said. I backed away and sprinted out of there.

When I got by my pickup in the parking lot, I was out of breath. I did not know what got into me. Why did I go there for Meredith? Why did I suddenly feel the need to defend her or back her up? Why did my feet lead me to her in the first place?

It scared me. This crazy feeling. Why am I suddenly interested in this kind of stuff? Why am I suddenly curious about... God?

Who is God, anyway? And what is truth?

"Charlie? You alright?"

I gasped. I turned. "Amanda! Calum! What the heck! Don't sneak up on me like that!"

"We weren't," Amanda said. "You look... guilty of something. Anything we should know about?"

"No," I snapped.

"You got a secret, Borlock?" Calum asked.

"I don't have a secret!"

"You're hiding something!" Amanda said.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I protested.

"Charlie--"

"I don't know any Charlie," I blurted.

Calum and Amanda stared at me, exchanged glances, stared at me again.

"You're clearly not feeling well," Amanda said.

I faked a cough. I reached for my pickup door. "Uh, yeah, I'm not. I have to go now."

"But it's Pizza Movie Night. And I'll be bringing some alcoholic sparkling cider," Calum said. He was winking way too many times. Amanda and I stared at him.

"He's sick, as he told you, Cal," Amanda said. She patted my shoulder. "Go home, Charlie."

"Thanks a lot," I said, faking a weak motion to climb up my driver's seat.

~~~

I felt the cool breeze on my face as I sat outside my rooftop that night. I let the night wash away every confusion I had. I let myself sink into the peaceful ambiance.

I have never felt peace with the wind before, even as I try. It was only until Meredith compared the air and God, their convicting similarities.

God. Who is God? Who are we in relation to Him?

And why is Meredith so eager to spread His Word and be kind and tell people about Him every chance she got? And why does she seem to be the only one so certain about everything?

What is truth?

I watched the city right before me, enjoying their share of casted moonlight. A blujay landed beside me on the shingles. We looked at each other for a while until it flew away and disappeared into view.

Just like air, God is there! I remembered Meredith raising her arms as if teaching little children who are yet to know about the real life. About reality.

"It's just some religious person," I said aloud, as to convince myself.

It wasn't working.

God is real and has power, even though we can't see Him.

I opened my palm, air breezed between my fingers.

God? I asked for a millionth time that night.