There Must Be Something More

42 | Scared

I felt guilty again going home that night. I was sure so did Samuel. We both did not go with Meredith. We thought she had been too excited to start a club of believers that she forgot we too were just new ones.

But now, as I looked onto the empty highway I turned onto to keep myself from going home and giving my thoughts and God a chance to get through, I knew it was the wrong choice. I knew Meredith was right. Why wait? When you know you can lead people to Jesus now, why pass up that amazing privilege?

My car hit a bump and I was shook from my thoughts. I had almost ran through a stoplight.

I thought of Meredith. Was she disappointed? And then I thought of God.

I'm sure You're disappointed with me.

I closed my eyes. I'm sorry for my shortcoming again, God. Please help me be bold for You. In Jesus's name. Amen.

When I opened my eyes the light just switched to green and I drove. I wished Amanda and Calum were around. Usually we'd be driving all night and just having fun and laughing at almost everything. Minus the whiskey and vape and secular music, of course.

Those weren't the best things I did. But the moments of us being together made me miss them a lot. I knew if they'd just see the truth, they'd do anything for it too. I knew if they just knew the truth about Jesus, they'd never have to do these bad things again.

A ring in my phone. I fished it out of my pocket and saw that it was from Steven.

It read:

How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? ~Romans 10:14

I clenched my jaw. I realized that now. I kept thinking over and over if only my friends and parents knew the truth when I'm not even doing anything to help them know. I knew I should. Just like what Meredith did for me and Samuel.

I smiled and thanked the Lord. I knew it was Him who talked to me. I knew it was written in the Scriptures somewhere that tells believers to share the gospel to unbelievers. I would have to ask Meredith tomorrow.

I continued to drive into the night until I had come to a decision that I needed real help if I wanted to share the gospel to everyone else.

---------

"You think she'll still talk to us?" Samuel asked when he saw me stuff things in my locker.

I shrugged. "Maybe. Knowing her, she might have invited a lot of people to our club by now. She might have led them to salvation already. And she might not need us anymore."

Samuel pouted. "I know she was right. I know I should've just let her teach us. But I'm still... I'm still really--"

"Scared?" I finished. He nodded.

"Yeah, me too," I admitted.

"I just thought winning people to Christ meant inviting them to church," he added. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and leaned on the locker next to me. "I never thought I'd actually go out there and explain the Word of God."

"I already told you before too, didn't I?" I said. "I don't see myself doing the stuff Meredith does. You know, proclaiming about His Word to anonymous people. I mean, maybe I could tell them I was a believer, but I don't think I can actually preach to them, you know what I mean?"

Samuel nodded. "Exactly. I could tell people about God, but... I also don't see myself preaching or evangelizing. You think we can?"

I smiled. I chuckled. "No, not at all. But I also never saw myself becoming a believer. God's surprised me in many ways. I think He's going to surprise me again in whatever amazing way He's got planned."

"I want a part of that," Samuel said. We both smiled and bumped fists.

"There she is," Samuel said. I followed his gaze to see Meredith striding through the hall. I knew she was about to hand out sticky notes.

In all of Meredith's days of handing out sticky notes, she's had a lot of influence. First off, people used to frown whenever they got one. Of course, others still did, but others also seemed genuinely interested. I wouldn't be surprised if she's able to lead people to Jesus by the end of the school year.

And I should be glad about that. As a matter of fact, I am. I was glad about the thought of everyone being saved in school.

But what was this feeling of dread? Of lack? Of incompetence?

"Good morning!" Meredith's voice beamed against the cold metals of the lockers. They echoed and rang in my ears.

"You're not mad at us?" Samuel asked. He backed away a little. He must have expected a blow from the girl.

I turned to Meredith too. "Shouldn't you be mad at us?"

"Don't worry, I am," she admitted. But she was smiling. I didn't get it.

"Okay, so why are you talking to us?" Samuel said. "I mean, not that we don't want to, but... why are you still talking to us?"

Meredith pursed her lips, and I wasn't used to her face not smiling. "I don't want my feelings getting the best of me. Besides, I do understand that you might still feel scared since it's not doubtful that you guys still have a lot to learn. But why don't you let me teach you? Or ask Steven to teach you?"

Samuel and I exchanged glances.

"Charlie's scared!" Samuel accused, pointing a finger at me like a tattling little kid.

I gaped. I looked at Meredith, her eyes were wide. I faked a scoff and shook my head. A lie.

"I'm not afraid," I said. "I'm just..."

"Scared?" Meredith continued.

"Very scared," I admitted. I looked at Samuel. He was staring down the ground. I rolled my eyes and jerked him beside me. "Him too."

"Why didn't you just tell me?" Meredith said, sighing like she had been exhausted. Maybe she was exhausted--of us.

"We did tell you," Samuel said. "We said we're not ready because we're still new to this."

"I guess you did," she said, looking at us. "But you should have been more specific."

"We're sorry," Samuel said. I nodded in agreement.

"Well, do you still want me to teach or you'll tell Steven yourself?"

We shrugged. I looked at anything, but her big brown eyes that seemed to cover us like the sky. And her yellow plaid dress was too bright.

"Hmm, whatever your decision is, you better decide fast. Don't wait. God has waited long enough for you to answer His voice." She said. She turned on her heel and walked off, handing everyone else their sticky notes.

"Is she mad at us?" Samuel asked.

I shrugged. I closed my eyes. "I can't blame her."