There Must Be Something More

22 | Phase

"Is it true?" Calum immediately said as soon as I got to my locker. It was one of those times where I wished I were invisible and no one ever cared about me.

"Is it true what?" I tried acting dumb.

"That you actually helped Meredith give out..." he pretended to be nauseous, "the Bible verse sticky notes?"

I didn't look at him. "So?"

"So," he said, escaping the locker door blocking his face and falling in beside my open side. "You've gone mental. Is that it?"

I didn't look at him. I was still looking for my earth science textbook. I couldn't find it. I was getting anxious to leave.

Calum waited for me to say something. I didn't. I left my locker with a big bang and turned around for the next hall. He grabbed my shoulder and had that disbelieving look on his face that I used to share with him in most days.

"You're doing this... as a prank, is that it?" he said, his eyes studied mine--which was ironic because I've never seen him study before.

I didn't want to say anything. I didn't want to give anything away.

"What do you care?" I said. "You're not my mom. You don't have to know everything I do, you know."

"True," he said, "but I'm your friend. And I'm wondering why you would be with Meredith at all!"

"What is so wrong with being with Meredith?"

He stared at me, as if the question was too weird for an answer. He acted as if it didn't deserve an answer. But I thought it didn't even deserve to be questioned.

He scoffed. "What is so wrong? Do you even hear yourself right now, Charlie Borlock?"

"Look, Cal, I don't have time for this right now, all right?" I hurried past him. He didn't follow this time, but I was fairly aware of his cold, hard stare burning my back. I moved along.

I heard him say, "Must be a phase."

A phase?

I stopped cold on my senses. The hairs in the back of my neck must have stood on the edge of their follicles. I felt frost form in my back.

Was this a phase?

~~~

I spent the first four periods of my day just thinking about it. I hardly remembered what our geometry teacher was babbling about. I had not paid attention. The next thing I knew girls swarmed over me and asked me to be their partner.

Lunchtime wasn't any better. I had originally planned to approach Meredith and join her for lunch, but I was too confused. I had mixed feelings about being with her. My mind was at war.

When I got to the lunch room, Calum and Amanda gestured for me to their table. I gave one quick glance to Meredith and her friend's table a few feet away and went to Calum and Amanda.

"Charlie," Amanda whistled. She eyed me up and down. "Whoa, you look pale. Is there something wrong?"

I cast my gaze to Calum. Has he said anything about me and Meredith? And how did he even know about us in the first place?

But most of all, why was I worried they'd find out? Why was I anxious for everyone's opinion about it?

What do I care?

But as I watched my friends minding their own business, acting as if my sudden change of worldview wasn't affecting them at all, I realized--

I did care. I cared a lot. I even cared more about what they'd think of me than my own happiness. Than my own joy.

Man, I was so stupid.

And so when Meredith looked my way, I looked away. I tried to forget about my plans of talking to her right after last period. I tried to forget about thinking of coming over her house tonight just to get a conversation with her cool grandpa.

Maybe Calum was right. Maybe this was just a phase.

And if it is, I'm not going to risk my social reputation for it.