There Must Be Something More

5 | Little Child

I quickly snatched the note away. I shoved it in my pocket. I walked away from him.

"Hey, Charlie, what's your problem?" Calum demanded.

I'm such a coward. Why can't I just tell them? I thought angrily.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say that was Meredith's note," Amanda noted. She eyed me suspiciously.

I gave her a blank look. "You definitely don't know any better, then."

She laughed. She gave me a slap on the shoulder. "You're right. As if you'd actually have an interest on that religious stuff."

I felt frost form in the back of my neck. A few feet away I spotted Meredith in a table with the same girl she'd hung out before.

I tried my best to ignore it. But the truth was I wanted to go over there, talk to them, and ask more about the Bible verses. I wanted to know more about them and what they meant.

But instead of responding to my instict I ignored it.

Eventually the peace was gone. Just as I ignored my urge to go to Meredith, it seemed as if the peace now ignored me too. I re-read the sticky notes. I remembered the feeling of peace. But I did not feel peaceful anymore.

So if not the sticky notes, where was the peace coming from?

I did not understand any of it. Any of it. All I understood was that I couldn't wait to receive another one of Meredith's notes.

And then I thought of an idea. I ran out my room. I visited my mom in theirs. She was reading a book. She looked up as soon as I came knocking.

She smiled. "What brings you here, sweetie?"

"Mom, can I ask you something?"

She nodded, patted the spot next to her.

I sat. "What do girls like?"

"Are you going to give Krista a present?"

I shook my head. "There's this new girl in school--"

"Charlie, honey, it's not good to have a girlfriend and woo someone else all at the same time," she corrected. She eyed me sternly. I felt like a suspect taken in for interrogation.

I raised my hands in surrender. I shook my head. "It's not like that, Mom. It's just..." I thought of the right words to say. "We kind of agree on the same thing. But... I don't know how to approach her."

Mom pursed her lips. She patted my knee. "I know. Try casually saying hi."

"Just like that?" I asked. "Say hi?"

"Of course! That's how your dad talked to me!" She laughed.

I tried to tell her it wasn't anything romantic, but she wasn't getting it. Eventually I gave up. But that night, as everyone said good night, I was smiling.

The next morning I was hopping. I was done with one pancake and made a bee line out the door. I practically looked up the sun and greeted good morning.

I wondered what the church sign will tell me today. I grinned and slammed my pickup door shut as I got in.

And if yesterday's words hit me hard, I couldn't tell you how much it did today:

but Jesus said, "Let the little children come to Me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven." ~Matthew 19:14

When I saw it I felt as if a wave had washed over me. And I should have been afraid. In fact I was, but there was also a feeling of thrill or excitement or amazement or intrigue inside me. And somehow those overtook the fear.

The words made me reflect on everything I did. And realized how right it was.

I had been like a little child. In a way. I went out and wanted to act like an adult (which is childish, I don't even know how an adult acts) and got drunk or went out to parties. See? Those aren't even adult things. When I got a low grade on a test, I sometimes swear or put my middle finger up. I gawk at girls.

I was no way an adult.

But Jesus said, "Let the little children come to Me and do not hinder them...

That way towards school was the most puzzling. I had mixed feelings. I doubted whether to follow that Bible verse, or ignore it and try to live a peaceful life with my friends and family.

But another thing was bothering me: Has my life been peaceful at all?

I wanted to find myself. I wanted to do what I wanted. But what did I want? Who was me, really?

Before I could answer all that, I heard that certain familiar voice behind me.

"Good morning!"

I didn't want to turn. I didn't want to give her the satisfaction.

But she was waiting for me. She was willing to give me encouraging words from the Bible.

And so I turned. Up until then I had not told you how much of a country girl Meredith was. Her long brown hair were braided into two, they fell on her shoulders. She also wore flannels, jeans, and boots.

That's right. Boots.

I took the sticky note. Today they were orange.

"Have a great day, Charlie," she said.

I boggled. "You remember my name?"

She nodded, didn't elaborate.

"But... you give to everyone," I said. "Surely you've forgotten about me."

"Nope," she shook her head. She seemed to say it proudly. She walked off.

I looked down the note. It said the same as the one on Christian Life Chapel. My hands started to shake.

I found what I wanted to do.

My mom was right. I should start with hi.