There Must Be Something More

20 | Till God Says So

As soon as I stepped inside our foyer, arms wrapped around my shoulders. I smelled lilac. I ran my hand through brown hair. I knew who this was.

"Krista," I said, "you're here."

"Is that any way to say to your girlfriend who you haven't hung out for days? I feel so guilty not having enough time for you. That's why I just grabbed my very first free time today," she explained. She had her arms around my neck. I felt uncomfortable.

Slowly I pulled them away. I started to walk towards the living room.

"No cheer-leading practice for today?" I asked, heading to the fridge. I grabbed a milk carton. "No runway rehearsals or something or what do you call it?"

"No," she looked at me. She looked mortified. "Charlie? Aren't you happy to see me?"

I felt like a liar. "Sure, I am," I said, "I just..." I thought of the right excuse, "I just don't want you bothering to cancel any of your important appointments for me, you know. I mean, there's always plenty of time to hang out on weekends, am I right?"

Krista furrowed her eyebrows. Her hoop earrings dangled in the fluorescent light. She had worn her pink tank top and short skirt. I couldn't say she didn't look good, but I couldn't say she looked decent, either. I wanted to give her sweatpants and a T-shirt.

"Charlie, you never complain when I do things for you," she said.

"Babe," I said, "I just know you're a busy person. I don't want you bailing on your priorities for me."

"You're my priority too."

"Well, I should be the least of your priorities," I said quickly. I was nervous. I didn't know why I was saying all these things, discreetly driving her away. But the words flowed out of me before I could even think twice about saying them. 

"Charlie?" she looked at me now. Her blue eyes turning into a glare. "Are you seeing somebody else?"

"Me? No way!" I said. I couldn't even believe what I was hearing.

"A few days ago you were so quick to respond when I said my parents weren't home. And now that I actually come visit you, you act like this big jerk who pushes me away."

I felt guilty, bad. I quickly took her hand and patted it. "Krista, I'm not seeing anyone else. I just... I just had a busy week too, that's all. I'm..." I forced the words out, "I'm really glad you're here. I'm sorry if I made you feel as if I'm pushing you away. I'm not. I love you."

She stared at me for a long time. I leaned and kissed her on the forehead. She smiled and hugged me. I felt guiltier.

"Well, I love you too, snug bug," she said. She squeezed my face. "I miss your puffy cheeks, don't you know that?"

I chuckled. I closed my eyes as she hugged me again. And as if to remind me, a flash of Meredith's smiling face scintillated through my mind. I gulped. I knew what I was guilty about. I knew it. I remembered.

I remembered Meredith's promising words: I won't date till God says so.

I could still remember Grandpa Chuck's curious tone: Did God tell you to be with her?

And I remembered my uncertain and troubled reply: No.

In a shocking instant, I pulled away from Krista and grabbed the milk carton to put it back in the fridge. My hands were shaky, cold. I put the carton inside with trembling hands. 

"You okay, Charlie?" Krista asked. She took my hand.

I slowly pulled away. "Yeah, sorry. Just... a little tired from practice."

"I heard from Calum you almost got kicked out of the team," she said. She followed me as I paced to the living room. I wanted to get away from her, but she wasn't letting me. I felt as if I was running away from my own shadow.

"Calum sure is a blabber mouth," I muttered.

"Why?" she asked. She settled onto the couch. Suddenly I didn't feel like sitting down. I sat onto the couch across from her.

"Why what?"

"What got you almost kicked out? You usually do everything for baseball. You never do something that would endanger your standing."

"Oh, I... I helped out my mom. Why hadn't Calum told you about that?" I said angrily. "He always loves to create drama for me."

"Helped out your mom?" Krista's eyebrows furrowed. She folded her hands in front of her chest. 

"Yeah, her car broke down and she wanted me to drive her to the bank where she maxed out her credit card and she needs mine too," I explained, chuckling nervously. I writhed in my seat. I avoided her piercing eyes staring straight into mine.

And then she smiled. She walked over and squeezed in beside me. "You surely are the sweetest. You know what my dad always says?" She placed her head on my shoulder, wrapped her arms around my waist. I felt goose bumps.

"What?" I fidgeted.

"You'll know how a guy treats you by the way he treats his mom," she said while tapping my nose playfully. She giggled. 

I won't date till God says so.

Did God tell you to be with her?

"No!" I blurted, pulling away from her. I was hyperventilating. The guilt was suffocating me. I had never felt the need to swallow a whole amount of oxygen until now. Not even that time when Calum farted so bad in the baseball team lockers and shut all the windows.

"Charlie?" Krista gasped. She looked at me in sheer puzzlement. "What is going on with you?"

I thought fast. I faked a worried look. "I... I... I just remembered I had to binge-watch this really cool TV show and... I'm missing it!"

She stared at me. She stayed like that. Until she burst out laughing. She doubled over, slapping her knees in merriment.

It was my turn to stare at her.

"I can't believe you've been acting this way all day because of a TV show!" she said, howling. She sighed. "Oh, Charlie, I remember now why I dated you. You're the most adorable guy ever."

I sighed in secret relief. 

"Well, I guess I have to go now," she said. "My publicist is asking me to do a runway show on East Mall."

I nodded. Thank goodness!

As I watched her walk out the door and into her sedan, I felt like the weight of the world had just been lifted off my shoulders. I knew now why I was feeling this way.

I sighed. God did not tell me to be with her.