There Must Be Something More

21 | Sticky Notes

I needed someone to talk to. I was freaking out. I couldn't stop worrying how much more things would I be guilty about in the coming days. But I was also too shy to come to Meredith's house unexpected and ask for a conversation. No way. That'd be creepy. Besides, technically, I was still with Krista. I couldn't risk someone seeing me and Meredith. I wouldn't want it.

Meredith will get hated; they'll think she's some kind of homewrecker.

I shook my head. No, she doesn't deserve that kind of mistreatment. I'd rather they think I was a horrible person--but Meredith was the kindest and realest person I've ever met in my entire life. I would never want to hurt her. I didn't think I could take the guilt.

Whoa. Do I really care this much now?

But I knew another person I told my deepest thoughts to.

I hurried downstairs and into the living room where my mom was reading the latest issue of Competent Magazine. She nodded every time her eyes darted from left to right. Her legs crossed on the couch so casually, I hated to disturb her reading time, especially about a teenage problem.

"Mom," I said as I sat down the couch beside her.

She smiled, looked up from her magazine, and put an arm around me. "Hey, Charlie. I heard Krista came over."

"Uh, yeah," I tapped my sneaker, "Mom, did you ever start thinking... you know, that there might be something more than all of this?"

Mom stared at me. "Everyday. Why?"

She meant it as a joke, I knew. But I wasn't laughing.

"Like... there must be more to life than... what you know," I added.

"What is this, Charlie?" she giggled. "That is such an existential question."

"Well, yeah," I said. "I am sixteen. It's not weird to be questioning about the stuff you know. I mean, the world is full of possibilities and... Mom, is this all there is to life?"

"I don't know the answer to that at all, honey," she said. She closed her magazine. "What brought you to this?"

Should I tell her about Meredith? About her faith that is realer than what I see? About her faith that keeps changing and questioning what I believe now? About her faith that just seemed more reasonable than the others?

"Well..." I started. I didn't know how to begin. From Meredith's sticky notes, from her help in the infirmary, from coming over her house and hearing about her family and talking to her wise grandpa, from helping the kids at the orphanage...

From everything.

From what Nurse Emily had said, I don't really know, Charlie. But that girl sure had me thinking.

Just like air, God is there!

Sneaking in the infirmary, joining in my conversation about God? No one has ever done that before.

Don't you just love it when you obey the Lord?

And suddenly, I could see it clearly now.

I stood up. I kissed my mom on the top of her head. "Good talk, Mom. I guess I'm done with my existential questions for now. But thanks for putting up with me."

She stared at me in puzzlement. Then she chuckled, "Anytime, Charlie."

I jogged upstairs to my room. I was grinning. I was excited. I knew it all now, why this is all happening to me.

I wanted what Meredith had.

And so that morning I awoke earlier than my alarm clock. I rushed to the showers and changed. I helped Mom prepare the pancakes for us. She asked my why I was so pumped. I told her it was a secret. She just laughed and kissed me on the cheek.